Show Notes

Listeners’ Letter

Dear Food,

I know exactly when our journey began. I had an anonormally skinny ballerina body and had gained a few pounds over the summer. I knew what I had to do. My parents always did diets so I figured it was just a part of growing up. Little did I know that losing those few pounds would lead to a horrible relationship with you and an unhealthy amount of weight gain. I used to not think about you. When I was bored, you weren’t the first one I went to. You were fuel not an addiction. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be where I am now. I have drifted so far and our relationship is so weak. I hate you but love you at the same time. You control me and I cannot contain myself around you. I’m addicted. You control my thoughts and take up my whole life. The more I pull away, the more I am attracted to you. I’m not sure why I go to you. Maybe it’s my low self-esteem, or my body image issues, or my constant want and need to look like society’s beauty standards. I feel that you are an escape I have to run from my toxic thoughts about my body because no one else cares. I feel like I cannot even continue my daily life because of the hold you have on me. I hate myself because of you but I can’t stop going back to you. I’ve tried to limit you but our relationship seems to get worse and worse. You were enjoyable, now I dread you. I’m fearful of what you will do to me. I’m fearful of how far I will go with you. You used to be a natural instinct that didn’t matter to me, now I can’t go five minutes without wanting you or thinking about how you ruin me. I guess the truth is…you aren’t the problem. Its me. I abuse you. I hate myself so I become overwhelmed and run to you. I’m not sure why I go to you. It seems counterproductive, but I’m in hopes of finding out why you have such a hold on me. I am guilty after going to you. I am humiliated, even if no one else knows. All I want is a healthy relationship with you and my body so I can move on with my life.

Sincerely, a girl who needs help