Listeners’ Letter

Dear Food,

I have so many questions for you, food. I am currently 24 and I can’t even remember a day I didn’t think about you. Sometimes I was much more obsessed with you than other times.

It started when I was eight and someone mentioned I was “chunky”- ew I hate that word. That’s when I started looking at your nutrition facts, food. When I was 10 I started eating less and less of you, food. I was eventually diagnosed with EDNOS when I was 16. You ruled my life food and now I am taking my life back.

I am so proud to say I have been on my health at all sizes journey for a year now. I work with a health at all sizes dietitian every other week and a therapist the alternating weeks and man have I made major steps this last year. But food, you still ALWAYS come up. It never ends.

I live with my boyfriend and his parents. His family is extremely fatphobic and you are the centre of SO many conversations. How you are bad and some of you is good but only at certain times of the day. Your siblings weight and exercise constantly get brought up too. My boyfriend’s mom has an active eating disorder and this is very hard to live with while trying to heal from my own eating disorder.

I still fear your sibling weight. I have gained a lot of it over the course of my recovery and I can say for the most part I’m pretty comfortable where I am right now, but I still FEAR gaining weight. Living in a fatphobic household is so hard to try and tackle this fear. My boyfriend is AMAZING and not like his family at all – it’s just so hard to be living with them.

How do I live in a society that is still so obsessed with weight, exercise and you, food? How do I not feel so hurt when the people whose opinions I hold highly talk about you in a bad way, when they compliment peoples’ weight loss and comment on peoples’ weight gain as a bad thing? You know food, when I was eating less of you and lost weight my boyfriend’s mom “rewarded” me by getting me a workout outfit without me even asking… now that I’ve gained weight nothing. How do I cope with that?

I’m so happy food that I have a way better relationship with you, but how do I cope with the outside pain? Any advice is appreciated.

Sincerely,
Tired of healing in a disordered society.