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Julie: Hey there, welcome to episode 382 of the Find Your Food Voice podcast. I am Julie Duffy Dillon, registered dietician and your host. Thank you for coming into my podcast feed today, dear Voice Finder. This is a quick episode where I’m giving you a book review. I’m gonna be doing book and product reviews as kind of fun bonus episodes. And today I am going to be sharing with you my very favorite anti diet dating resource. And it’s the book, make sure you can see it if you’re watching it on YouTube, Thank You More Please by Lily Womble. And I have really appreciated this advice that I’ve been getting from Lily on her social media and was thrilled when her book was finally available. 

Julie: Before I get to this review, a little bit of fun housekeeping. If you’re listening to this during September, September is PCOS Awareness Month. So I always like to run some kind of fun deal if you have PCOS and you’re looking for more non -diet resources. So I am running a sale on my PCOS Doctor Visit Toolkit. It has basically everything that I teach people with PCOS to advocate for, including like the labs to get run every year, how to advocate for yourself and not get weighed, and all the support tools that you may need before, during, and after those visits to help you get the care that you deserve. And this doctor visit toolkit is on sale the whole month of September for PCOS Awareness Month, and it is just $27. And you can get to all the details at julieduffydillon.com / toolkit.

Julie: And then the other thing I wanted to keep you in the loop about is I just turned in this past week my very last edit. It was the proofreading edit round for Find Your Food Voice, the book, and it will be released March 25th. And my gosh, there’s something about proofreading where I really just appreciated that details like proofreading is just not my gift, but it was exhausting for me to do. But it also I felt super grateful while I was doing it, even though it was hard on my brain. But I tell you what, I am just so grateful that you have given me the support over the years to help me be able to do something that I’ve always wanted to do, which was writing a book. And I have fallen in love with writing. I hope I can write many more books. But March 25th is when this one comes out. I really I wrote it in a way that I hope it helps support you as you are trying to use non -diet tools like intuitive eating to help you to make those big steps forward. Sometimes they may be little steps, but they’re still hard. And I hope the book helps you in doing just that. And what I wanna keep you in a loop about is that I am in the process of developing some pretty cool swag, some free swag actually for you to get with pre -ordering. And that will be coming up soon. I think actually in the next few months we’ll be announcing some more details, but I love creating things. So this is really, really fun. So I can’t wait to share with you what it is all about. So lastly, I appreciate all your recent podcast reviews, especially on Apple podcasts. I read every single one. They mean so much to me and including the ones where you’ve give me feedback to help me make the show better. I really appreciate that. They bring me so much joy to read and again, they help us make the show better. So if you haven’t left a review, again, especially on Apple podcasts, we would so appreciate you doing so. Doing things like that and also pushing that follow or subscribe button helps the show grow. It helps more people find us. And you know, when you’re this like little independent podcast, it can be hard to compete against like celebrities and all their big budgets and things like that. So thank you in advance for all of your support. yeah, so with that all being said, we’re gonna take a very, very quick sponsor break and just a little side note. If you have the stomach for it today, listening to the ads is another way for you to support the podcast because when you listen to a dynamic ad that’s placed in here, which will be placed in here in about maybe 10, 15 seconds, no matter how long I want to talk. But when you actually listen to the ad, it helps us to get paid. If you skip it, we don’t. And when I learned about this, I tell you what, this has changed how I listen to podcasts, because if I’m listening to an independent podcast, I know that it’s not free to make it. So listening to those also really helps the show grow and helps us to be able to afford the team that helps me behind the scenes and editing and all of those things. All right.. So with all that being said, we’re going to take that very quick sponsor break and we’ll be right back.

Julie: Welcome back. As we are getting nestled into this episode, all about anti -diet dating and this really wonderful resource that I wanna share with you, I want you to picture Y2K. Like what were you doing when we went from 1999 to 2000? I appreciate as a 49 year old, I am probably much older than you, maybe not all of you But for many of you, I appreciate just from surveying those of you who listen that most of you are younger than me. And so you may not have even been born yet, which is gonna make this even funnier for you to hear these next steps. But during Y2K, of course, it was a really fun time, but it also was the last time I was single. And Y2K is when we were just starting to have email,just starting to have cell phones. I didn’t have a cell phone, I think until 2005. So, you know, I didn’t have these yet. And it was like, in no way could we even picture dating apps. There were websites because it was like baby Google time, you know? And so there were, think match.com was one website that was developing soon after Y2K. So yeah, that was the last time I was single.

Julie: And so the resources that we had back then were books and no joke, the book that I had used at that point in my time was the book called The Rules. And if you don’t know the book, The Rules, my gosh, you have to Google it and look at it. I wish I had my copy because it has some nostalgia with it. Although the rules are horrible and I don’t align with them in any way. But 1990s Julie, that’s like how I was being socialized. So if you don’t know about The Rules or you’re not able to Google search it, the rules was this book, this really like kind of like handbook, a very short book that was released as a woman’s guide to dating. And it basically said, if the guy wasn’t chasing you, then you’re doing it wrong. And it had like all these rules. Like if you just follow these rules, you will find your forever person. There were things like, don’t be so easy to get a hold of. Don’t answer the phone on the first ring. If he asks you on a date, make sure it’s at least like so many hours in advance, not that night. It was like 72 hours in advance. Sometimes be busy. It was in a way, I think to show that you were confident and you didn’t have to have this person but in no way was it encouraging someone to just live in their truth. It really was distancing us from that. And the reason why I get all nostalgic when I think about the rules is because I read it in 1997, and that was the year between my junior and senior year of college. 

My very best friend in college, Kelly, hey Kelly, in case you’re listening. I know you feel the same nostalgia. We decided to take a road trip, just the two of us, because we were trying to decide what we wanted to do after we graduated. We had one more year of college and we didn’t know what was going to happen after that. And we were both drawn to the state of North Carolina. So we decided to get in her, I think she had a Honda Accord and drive down to North Carolina, which was about a five or six hour drive from where we were in college. And we, basically found a way to travel the whole state and make a big loop. And during the road trip, what we did is we took turns driving and whoever wasn’t driving was reading the rules. And so we read this darn book during the whole trip and actually going to see Kelly in a few weeks. So I’m going to have to bring this up to her so we can remember this time because it’s so ridiculous looking now, but we were like hanging on so desperately to these rules, because I think we were in a place where we thought we would have our forever person at this point and we didn’t and scared about these next steps. And I guess the rules were kind of like that. And as I say this, doesn’t it remind you so much of dieting? 

Julie: So if you are interested in any way in the combination or the similarities rather of dieting and dating, one of my very good friends, Laura Watson, on her TikTok, she talks about this all the time. And it was just so amazing. She makes so many connections to dieting and dating and dating rules. So check that out. But anyway, so let’s bring you back to the present. If you have listening to the episodes as they come out and you may have either read on my email or in the podcast about my divorce and then starting to date again about maybe about this time last year or maybe a few months after, I started being like, I think I’m ready to date. And I knew the rules were not what I wanted. And there’s something about being in a long -term relationship. I was married for about 20 years and we were together since January of 2000. So it’s 2024, so 23, 24 years. And what I knew was like I wanted certain things and I didn’t want to necessarily make myself smaller. Not even not necessarily. I didn’t want to make myself smaller. Like literally I was not going to diet and I wanted to take up my space. I felt really great by myself and I also was looking for someone to share that with. So I didn’t know where the hell to start. And so I remember on TikTok stumbling upon Lily Womble. And Lily was such a wonderful person to find, because it was like the perfect timing. As I was getting ready to date, like I was starting to be interested in dating again, I found her, her material like her website and her tik tok channel. And I learned so much from her that I started dating. And when her book started to be in the pre -sale time, I still wanted it, even though I had been dating my partner for three or four months. So I knew I didn’t want to like jump back into dating someone new, but I still wanted this book because there was so many affirming things that I learned in her material that I knew I wanted to have it my own copy. And so I guess the thing that I want to share about, Thank You More Please, Lily Wampel’s book, and anything she’s putting out is I am connecting with like how it is helping me just be more myself and not only meeting someone, but being in a relationship with someone. And I just am so grateful for that. So I wanna share, let’s see, I have one, two, three, four things, my four favorite things that I have learned from Lily’s work and her book.

Julie: And the first one is to go ahead and be picky. I can remember when I was dating back before Y2K, how people were saying to not be too picky, that you have to kind of like just find someone who’s good enough and make it work. Don’t be too picky. And the thing about that is I am picky. You know, I am someone who is liberal and trying to deconstruct from religion. And so I may be spiritual, but I don’t really want to be around someone who is really into religion. And I am also an anti diet, like person through and through. So I wanted to be with someone who also was like working on themselves in that way. And that also brings up like I was really wanting to be with someone who didn’t have to rely on alcohol and who was into self growth. And for many people, that I know they would say, Julie, you’re just being too picky. But what I got from Lily’s work was, no, be picky. Yeah, you deserve to find what you want. And you can have that. There are people out there that are going to be a good match for you. And so that was one thing that I’ve learned. And I am so glad that I have connected to that. Because again, it’s helped me to stay more myself instead of compromising anything.

Julie: All right, the next one, number two is Lily saying bless and release. I love this phrase so much. I have taught it to so many people. again, this is even outside of dating, but I’ve talked to people who were in friendships or in jobs and just not really knowing how to navigate pivoting away. And I’ve heard myself say, sweetie, it’s time to bless and release. And everyone is like, that is the best phrase ever. And I’m like, yes, and that’s something from Lily Womble. So as it relates to dating, but have you ever been in a relationship with someone and you’re like, is just not working out, but you are afraid to hurt their feelings. And that’s something that Lily talks about is these strategies to like be okay with that. And like, no harm, no foul. Like, hey, you know, I just don’t think there’s like a romantic connection here. So bless and release.

Julie: All right, number three is another part of her book that I again, am incorporating in so many other areas in my life. It’s probably the thing that I find myself doing pretty much daily. And it’s this concept of thank you more, please, which of course is the title of the book. But what this is about is like, especially if you are someone who has felt really jaded by dating and trying to meet people, how it can be this can be really hard and negative and it is hard and it can be very negative. And to name when you see even a teeny little speck of something that is fucking amazing or, you know, just you see someone walk by and you felt like an attraction. They may not have seen you at all, but like, thank you more, please. Doing those kind of things, how it basically, And for me, when I think about this tool, it reminds me of like gratitude practice, you know, just noticing the positives, even if they’re super granular or really big, just naming it in the moment. And something I know about, like cognitive types of ways of experiencing the world and how our brain is wired, when we can get to the present and notice just the present. It’s something that will help improve just your way of experiencing things. So it’s not saying, there’s a silver lining or everything’s so great. It’s not necessarily doing like the toxic positivity. It’s just looking for the positive and telling the universe or God or whatever name you have for this. Thank you and more please. I remember when I was in the early stages of dating, and I would get a text from my boyfriend and I would say, thank you more, please. Like if it was a, especially a particular communication that I was like, woman fuzzy, I would say to myself, thank you more, please. And how I’ve noticed myself now using it too is even outside of dating, you know, if it’s a particularly like a nice day or I’m just feeling like having nice conversation with a friend.

Julie: I find myself sometimes even just thinking in the moment, thank you, more please. And again, there’s something about getting to the present and naming what you want more of in your life that just adds more to your bucket, you know, and helps you to know more of what you like and to continue to like steer yourself more towards the things that you want to add. And that reminds me also of like diet culture and you know, it’s, considering what you would rather add food wise instead of what you want to take away. That’s a big strategy that I use when I help people with PCOS or any other kind of chronic conditions. Yeah, what could you add instead of take away? So maybe that’s the other way that thank you more please is also in my life is also with this connection with food as well. 

Julie: All right, so let’s talk about number four, because already this episode is much longer than I was intending it to be. I told Rachel, sorry, Rachel, I was like, it’ll be less than five minutes and look, it’s already at like almost 20. So let’s hurry it up. So the last one I think is really important and I heard myself saying this to one of my kids today. The last one is you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person. So if you find yourself as you’re navigating dating and relationships, like, I’m just worried I’m gonna say the wrong thing and we all mess up, right? But If you say something and that person is not comfortable with feedback and having a conversation, then that’s really great information, right? And Lily talks a lot about some of her own personal experiences with like talking about an ex and with her now partner and kind of talking about this ex a lot. And eventually her partner was like, hey, I really like you, but you’re also talking about this person a lot. And I don’t like how it feels And it was just like some feedback. So it’s something I really liked to help me kind of, again, pivot into let’s not focus on perfection. Let’s focus on compassion and let’s really, I guess for me in the dating experience, I have been really focused on a growth kind of like I want to continue to grow and I want to continue to grow in a relationship. And so that’s what I’m hoping and I find in another person. And so thinking about you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person aligns with that for me. And I hope that helps. So if you are navigating dating, and you’re also rejecting diets, I appreciate it can be really tricky. I also appreciate that I am not marginalized because of my body size. So that’s less risk for me to not diet. And if you are trying to navigate the whole landscape of like recovering from your eating disorder, or rejecting diets and you would like to read a diet book that does not force you into thinking about how you look or think you have to look a certain way that is basically aligned with anti -diet living. Lily Womble’s book is that. There are books that help you with dating that are also anti -diet. And actually, as I say that, I think this is the only one. So Thank You More, Please, by Lily Womble, five stars.

Julie: Highly recommend if you are rejecting diets and wanting to date and need the support along the way. All right, so I hope this was an informative review for you and thank you so much for listening to this mini episode. I would love it if you hit subscribe before we go and I will be back with a Dear Food Letter episode next week, just a few days. So until then, take care.