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Intro music: Bags are packed, are you ready to go?…This time tomorrow we’ll be on the road…riding with you into sunnier days…I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Julie: It’s time to name the neglect from typical food advice. Welcome to the Find Your Food Voice podcast, hosted by me, Julie Duffy Dillon. I’m a registered dietitian with 20 years of experience partnering with folks just like you on their food peace journey. What have we learned? Well, cookie cutter approaches exclude too many people, and you don’t need to be fixed. It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s all of us. Only together we can start a movement and fix diet culture. And we will. Let’s begin with now.

Transition music: I want to see how the world turns round…Let’s go adventure in the deep blue sea…home is with you wherever that may be…home is with you wherever that may be.

Julie: Hi there. Welcome to episode 356 of Find Your Food Voice. I am Julie Duffy Dillon, registered dietitian and your host as you are navigating your complicated history with food. Is it ok? If I call you a finder, how does that sound to you? I am just kind of like playing around with it, but I know that if you found this podcast, you are probably trying to recover from your eating disorder or you’re trying to quit diet culture or maybe even you’re a clinician, helping people do this and you’re doing this with your own relationship. With food at the same time. So welcome. And I want to help you find your food voice, which is the way that you want to have a relationship with food on your own terms while we are all living in the muck of those systems of oppression, like diet culture that are just trying to fuck with us. So this episode is a listener episode and well, it’s not a listener episode. It’s a listener question episode. And this is a chance that where listeners just like you can ask me a question about their complicated history of food and I can do my best at trying to unpack it. So if you have a question for me, I would love to read your question and maybe answer it on the show. You can send your question over to info@juliedillonrd.com. You can also send your letter to food there and remember I’m still taking dear food letter submissions for upcoming episodes of this podcast and the Find Your Food Voice book. So you can send those to that email address I just mentioned info@juliedillonrd.com or you can actually go and submit it in a Google form at julieduffydillon.com/submitletter. I would love to have your letter or your question as a part of this podcast or the book. So send it over. I haven’t gotten your letter yet and I haven’t gotten your question. So I will be awaiting in standby for those. 

Julie: So here is this episode’s listener question. Is it possible to give up dieting without replacing dieting with something else? Which feels like an uncomfortable diet culture vacuum for me? Any suggestions? Ok. So there’s a lot to impact and I’m looking forward to answering this question after a quick sponsor break. 

Julie: Welcome back. And I’m excited to impact this listener question, but let’s go through it one more time just to refresh our memory. Is it possible to give up dieting without replacing dieting with something else? Which feels like an uncomfortable diet,culture vacuum for me, any suggestions? So this can be very complicated. And I was able to correspond with this person to kind of get a little bit more about what they were looking for, like what kind of insight and this person explained that as they have tried to move away from dieting, they have found themselves not necessarily in a diet but kind of sucked into something else that ends up being a lot like dieting and just not really aware that there could be these other, we’re calling them like side monsters, things that are like just diet culture adjacent. Some of them are still like 100% in diet culture, but some things that may just be adjacent to it that are doing the same thing. And in a nutshell, what I will say as we unpack, I’ll give some examples if this still isn’t clear, but one of the things that I encourage you listener to do is to look for the spark. If you can find the spark as close as you can to real time, it will serve you so well. That definitely takes practice and experience, which means messing up basically, in order to have that experience. So be patient with yourself because the only way to really recover and to efficiently be able to reject these kind of diet culture side monsters is to mess up. And if you kind of get down on yourself for messing up, well, you’re going to miss the spark. So look for the spark. 

Julie: OK. So first let’s really unpack this question, some examples. And I mentioned there’s some things that are kind of these like parallel to diet culture. And then there’s other things that really are still like legitimately still in diet culture. And I kind of think of these as surface level kind of diet culture side monsters. And one of them is kind of plant based eating. Sometimes people will explore vegetarianism or veganism um in a similar kind of way. And I also see it as I just want to eat healthy or I just want to eat clean or I just want to eat organically or sustainably. I also see these kind of diet culture side monsters coming in through group programs. So maybe like the couch potato to five K programs, boot camps. Um just joining a gym. Um or starting some kind of healthy eating or wellness challenge. Are these all bad? Of course not, they’re not all bad. Um, just like vegetables or salads or fruits or exercise are not bad. It’s just, those are the tools from these oppressive systems to really con you into thinking that you’re too much. So, the tools themselves are not necessarily bad. But when they’re used to distract you from all these other really horrible things, then yeah, they’re being used for evil instead of good. So, you know, if you’re exploring vegan veganism or vegetarianism or wanting to eat more plants, that is not necessarily bad. But if you are finding some of the things that I wanna talk about in a second, I want you to pause. 

Julie: But you know, if there’s people who want to explore a more sustainable way of choosing foods, they value sustainability. So maybe that’s what it’s providing or there can be some social wins to group programs that could be fun and maybe even like a challenging way to move your body. Those are all positive. But there are some things that can kind of get clicked into place again that can suck you in just like another diet. 

Julie: Outside of these kind of surface level still food or exercise related, I think there are some outside of food that I’ve noticed to also be these diet culture kind of side monsters, and one is skin care. So I’ve had many clients as they’re moving away, moving away from dieting have explored this kind of skincare regimens. Sometimes even buying into like MLMS or multilevel marketing, sometimes starting to sell it and kind of joining a group. There’s even folks that I’ve talked to who have and this may push some buttons and I hope you will let me explain it before, you know, it’s ok, you can judge me. But there’s also some folks who I’ve worked with, who have explored different religions that have ended up sounding a whole lot like diet culture. Are they all bad? No. Um but they could be replacing the role diets played in your life and be equally harmful. 

Julie: So what I want you to know is some of these diet culture side monsters, what they can be doing is offering you as especially as you’re rejecting diet culture and like as we as a community, as all finders here, right? We’re all trying to do something that is pretty radical. And for some of you listening, rejecting diet culture, not only is it an anomaly maybe in your community, but it also is letting go of like of a layer of safety. So it could be extremely radical and risky. So moving away from that, some of these other kind of side monsters waiting in the wings, these group programs, or MLMS, or religions, they can offer you something that diets were trying to offer you too. They can give you kind of like a reassuring hug, like a friend would give you, you know, something like you don’t have to worry. And it could be, again, as surface as just like a new skincare um regimen. And I say that because I mean, all you have to do is open TikTok and watch some of those like people get so into their skin care, sometimes only using one kind of brand and then again, getting into like selling it and just being so um rigid with this is the only one this is best. This is good and it becomes all consuming. A new kind of way of identifying yourself. Having a, a new way to belong, feels really good. And again, that any kind of new way, new behavior, new club, new group, it can first feel like a reassuring friends hug. And then as it begins, especially maybe like starting to prepare, maybe you are starting to learn about a religion or you are starting to look through an MLMS product like sweet and just like learning how to sell it or it could be getting all the equipment you need for a new group program. Those are like the signs of like beginning to start something new, which can be very hopeful. 

Julie: That’s what I’ve noticed over the years that diets do for us, they, they provide the spark and that’s why I said at the top of the show. Look for the spark. If you notice a spark, I feel so good, just like that reassuring friend’s hug, it feels so good to get the spark. But it also is a sign that there’s possibly something that could hurt you around the corner. That spark feels hopeful and that feels so fucking good because it means something better is around the corner. And I also see this is where the seductive fantasy that we’ve experienced over and over again with diet culture, it gives us an idea, a hopeful dream of our future self. It’s alluring. Um especially if it’s like, oh, I’m going to be alluring. It can provide a picture for, for us of a future self that belongs. Remember, diets do that for us, right? Um It may help you to fit in and may help you feel safe and may actually help you be safe. Some of these um different types of diet culture side monsters also may be promising this future self that’s going to be rich to have actual more money or maybe rich with other things. Again, with popularity with um access to more things to being in a club. There’s a lot to some of these diet culture side monsters where the spark has a lot to do with finally belonging. And with that spark, if you can notice when it happens, whether it’s being sucked into to dieting again or some of these like side monsters. Um something you need to know is when you’re getting that seduction. I sometimes think of that seduction as like this download that we did not get, give consent to receive. In that moment, we’re getting distracted. And of course, with dieting, we’re distracted from the origins of dieting, how it started in racism and all the other systems of oppression, oppression that come from that. And we’re also distracted from how we have over 100 years of research on how diets don’t work for most people. And if anything they cause harm more than any benefit they ever could. But these side monsters, we’re also as we’re getting seduced, they’re distracting us from how much money we’re spending. Some of that skin care is so expensive. Or those MLMS, like how much money people have to put up in order just to even begin to sell anything. 

Julie: It also can be distracting from red flags. I know for a lot of people who did find themselves within harmful religions. They said later on, like, I really miss these red flags because I was getting seduced. I was getting like misled into believing that I was gonna have a place that I was gonna have all these things that I’ve been longing for. And so it just made so many people miss these red flags. So with that all being said, if you are moving away from diets, whether you’re recovering from an eating disorder or you just are like, totally noticing how nasty the origins of diets are or you have experienced that diet rock bottom, like you’ve dieted your whole life and you just know it’s not gonna work for you. I would encourage you to be aware as you’re doing that work that there could be other kind of side monsters. Like just waiting for you to promise you a similar outcome with the same shitty results, you’re going to be very vulnerable and something that I mentioned earlier is to look for the spark. And so this is something that you can do no matter where you are on your journey to finding your food. Voice is really start to look at themes and break out a journal or a notes app and really let yourself remember how you started diets in the past. I use the word seduced because it is so fucking seductive. But think about what led you to dieting before it could have been something like a recommendation from a health care provider. It could have been a shitty partner’s comment about your body. I mean, it could be so many different things. It could be that you were in a place where a bunch of friends were dieting. But looking back, think about as you started the process, think about that hug. There was a point of before you started that diet that you felt something that felt like it was going to be a good idea, some kind of reassurance. What reassurance like what was the kind of dangling carrot. What does it reassure you that it would provide for you? What was the promise? And with that reassuring hug? Usually right after that is the spark and try to remember what that spark felt like. That part where the dopamine hit and you are starting to feel super hopeful. Usually that hope leads to a fantasy and it may not have felt like something like a fantasy because it probably felt very real what the promises were and calling it a fantasy. I know can kind of ruin it in a way because it, it lets us know that it was a lie. But before you knew it as a lie and maybe you still don’t think of it as a lie, it’s ok. But what were the promises and what were the outcomes going to be as you finish the diet? Pay careful attention to how you felt or any messages you got in your brain gather all of that. And this is the most important question to ask yourself. This is going to protect you so much, moving forward and help you to keep distance from diet culture and any diet culture side monsters as you were feeling that reassurance as you were getting the spark as you were fantasizing. What did you really need instead? Like what were you really hoping for? Because the diet was really the packaging for what you were needing. And that’s a very individual. I can make some guesses. 

Julie: You know, doing this for over 20 years now, I heard a lot of people wanting to belong, many people wanting to be safe, accepted. Some people were wanting excitement. They were just so fucking bored. They just needed something in their life. But what did you really need? You can Google a needs list. Um And it’ll come up with lots of different words for you if you’re just needing to look through a list. But that’s the most important question for you to help protect yourself from getting it seduced again by diet culture and these diet culture side monsters. What did you really need and hold on to that, put that notes out toward the top of the list. Keep it in your journal and put one of those little like, what are those things called that? Like my, one of my kids is a huge reader and so she has all those little tabs tabs, that’s what it is. Put a tab in your journal for this and keep it handy. If you’re joining a new group, changing a behavior, whether it’s related to food or not. Go through that. Those questions. Look for that hug, look for the spark, look for the fantasy and ask yourself the most important one. What do I really need? And something I didn’t tell you in the beginning is you can also give yourself what you really need. You know, if someone is wanting to belong when you’re needing that feeling of belonging. How have you fulfilled that in the past? What have you done to feel safe in the past or to feel accepted? There’s probably things that you have done that are actually health promoting for you, texting a friend, journaling, doing some kind of hobby. You know, there may be something else that is safer that’s not gonna fuck with your recovery from diet culture and fill that need at the same time instead of like fake filling it. 

Julie: All right. So I hope that answers your question, uh listener. And if you would like to ask me a question for an, let me say that again, if you would like to ask me a question for an upcoming episode, email it to me at info@juliedillonrd.com. Also, I am still taking dear food letter submissions for upcoming episodes and the Find Your Food Voice book. You can submit them either to my email address info@juliedillonrd.com or at julieduffydillon.com/submitletter. Before I end, many of you have been connecting with me in my TikTok DMS or in email and asking how you can support me, which if you wanna get me to cry really fast, tears of joy, of course, ask me that. I mean, I think that is just so sweet but there are some really easy ways for free that you can support me. Um as I’m writing this book and just doing the work that we do here on the Find Your Food Voice podcast. And one of the easiest things you can do is actually listen to the ads. Um, I know ads are annoying. But if you listen to any independent podcaster, like me, the only way we get paid is if actually someone listens to the ad and they don’t get paid if they’re skipped. So, just listening to the ads is really wonderful. I try my best to screen out um different categories. So it’s a lot of ads about like plumbing and um, I don’t know, like mattresses, like things that hopefully are not in any way like hitting diet culture. But, um, you know, if you just listen to them that’s going to help support the show and you know, those ads are how we basically pay for our team to be able to produce podcasts. The other thing you can do is leave a five star review in Apple or Spotify, also subscribing or following the show. This helps me and you because then you don’t miss an episode and then you don’t miss an episode. So I appreciate that another way also, of course, is to share an episode with a friend. So thank you in advance for any and all support for listening to the show, sharing it with others following the show and leaving a review. It really means a lot to me and I thank you for your support. All right. I look forward to checking in with you next time finders, and until then take care. 

Julie: Thank you for listening. I am Julie Duffy Dillon, and this is the Find your Food Voice podcast. Ready to join the anti diet movement and take the food voice pledge? Go to julieduffydillon.com and sign your name to the growing list of people saying no to diets and yes to their own food voice. The Find Your Food Voice podcast is produced by me, Julie Duffy Dillon, and my team of kick ass folks. I couldn’t make the show without Yeli Cruz, Assistant Producer and Resident Book Fiend. And Coleen Bremner, Customer Service Coordinator and professional Hype Master. Audio editing is from Toby Lyles at 24 Sound. Music is Fly Free by Hartley. Are you looking for episode transcripts? Get them at julieduffydillon.com, where you can also submit letters for the podcast, give us feedback, and sign the Food Voice pledge. We need your voice to end diet culture. We literally can’t do this without you. Subscribe to the Find Your Food Voice podcast to get weekly inspiration and education on how we can defeat diet culture and reclaim our own food voice. I look forward to seeing you here next week for another episode of the Find Your Food Voice podcast. Take care.