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Julie: Hey there, welcome to episode 376 of the Find Your Food Voice podcast. I am Julie Duffy Dillon, your host and registered dietitian. Welcome to this mini session episode. So mini sessions is a new concept that I’m unveiling today for the Find Your Food Voice podcast. And what it means is basically, I wanna share with you some tools, tips, things that I would discuss with clients and sessions, maybe some activities that we would do or certain key concepts. So you can use it as education and information along the way as you’re unpacking your complicated relationship with food. So, you know, the normal disclaimer here, it doesn’t replace therapy, it’s not meant to treat therapy. I’m just hoping you can use it as education and like I said, information that possibly you take to your own therapist or dietitian to do the work together. So this very first mini session, what you’ll find, this one and all of the mini sessions will be quick, easy to digest episodes that again, I hope you can quickly, I don’t know, experiment with. And this one in particular is really special to me because this is all about writing a letter to food. And so what we’re gonna go through is how and why to do this.

And then at the end of the episode, I’m going to read the most recent letter to food that I’ve written. So I’ve written a few that you may have heard if you’ve listened to the podcast since way back in January of 2016 when I started. I had my first letter to food and then I think around episode 99 or 100, I also wrote one. So the latest one that I’ve written is a combination basically of both of those plus a few more updates and it’s included in my book. So you’ll get a little sneak peek of what no one else is able to see at this point because my book is still in the editing process. That’s what I’m probably doing right now as you’re listening or watching this episode. So with that all being said, we are going to take a quick sponsor break and then we’ll be right.

Julie: All right, welcome back. So first things first, I wanna share with you how I came up with the idea to do this like letter as a part of a podcast. So it was around 2015 when I started putting together the concepts for this show in particular. I actually wanted to start a podcast earlier, probably around 2007 -ish.

That’s when it was really kind of complicated to upload podcasts, but they still were starting to have some. And I really liked the idea of it. But then I ended up getting pregnant and having my first kid. And you know, things just shift. There’s just not enough time in the day at that point, especially for me when I just need my sleep. So anyway, I put it on hold. But then as I was starting to really get serious about, okay, I think I want to make this happen.

I wanted to have a podcast that helped me to connect with you. Like I really wanted that experience of connection and to share with you tools that I use, you know, when I’m sitting with clients. And what I always told my clients, and if you’ve been a client of mine, you’ve heard me say this at least once, is, you know, people would share with me the shame that they were feeling, how isolated they were feeling about their complicated relationship with food.

I would always say I wish you were a fly on the wall with all my other clients today because you would see how although you all have different like experiences in life, you come from different places, you have a different like things that you’re doing throughout the day. You all are saying the same thing. You all are feeling the same shame and isolation. And I want you to know you’re not alone. I was like, I just want you to know that. And I knew me sitting here just talking about what I think was not the way to help you have that. I wanted you to be able to talk to each other. And at the time there was a podcast called Dear Sugar. Anybody out there a big Dear Sugar fan? I used to love that podcast. And of course it’s no longer producing new shows, but that was a show where people wrote in and they wrote, you know, Dear Sugar and the two hosts would talk about advice and just know, ramble on and I was like, that’s it. That’s what I want to do. I wanted your experiences to be first and foremost, the highlight. And I also thought about having some way to therapeutically address it, where we could also summarize it at the end. And that’s where I was like, I want food right back. And this came from narrative therapy. 

So something you may not know about me besides being a registered dietitian. I also have been trained to be a therapist. I have a master’s degree in mental health counseling. I’m not licensed as the therapist, but I always say, but I’ve been trained as one. I do, I did all the supervision and all the, yeah, all the training. just not licensed because I’m a dietitian and I didn’t want to be a therapist. But I learned lots of different types of therapies, of course, training to become a therapist. And I loved many different parts of narrative therapy because I’ve always believed you’re the expert of your life. I’m the expert of my life. You’re the expert of your life. That’s why me talking on a podcast, going on and on about things was just not something that I thought was going to be very effective. You’re the expert of your life. I wanted to hear from your point of view, how you experience your life story and narrative therapy, which was, I believe started in the 1980s. The people behind it are Michael White and David Epstein.

And one of the quotes that I’ve written down that I remember loving about it was, they said, the problem is the problem, the person is not the problem. When I was training to become a therapist, I had spent three years as a dietitian and I felt like I kept hearing people who were seeking health services, whether they were at the hospital because they had a heart attack or they were newly diagnosed with diabetes or they were going to a dietitian to eat healthier because they had high cholesterol. I kept hearing people being called like non -compliant and that they were the problem. And I was like, that just does not fit because the problem is a problem. The person is not the problem. And narrative therapy also has this really cool part where it views people separate from their problems and behaviors. And it like seeks to really extend that separation especially for you, the person seeking this intervention, it allows you to externalize any issue or concern that you have rather than like internalize them, which has always been my thing. I’m like, I don’t want you to feel ashamed because you’re not alone. And we are living in this world, this system that it’s pushing you to diet. This isn’t your fault. You’re just living in these systems that are quite oppressive and you’re just trying to survive. And so the other part of narrative therapy which is really the basis behind writing a letter to food and making it this external thing. The big part of it is the actual act of writing the letter, and that’s why this is a session for you and me right now. It helps you to distance yourself from the problem so then you can use your own skills, your own cultural connections, your own supports and your like lived experience because again, you are the expert of yourself. It allows you then to better connect with those strengths of yours to guide you through difficult times. It’s something that as someone trained as a therapist, it’s like, always think about how you never really needed the therapist. You have the skills all along. It’s just helping you to uncover them, to connect with them, to trust them. So, narrative therapy in a nutshell, it can look different from therapist to therapist, but again, it’s a way for you to connect with your story and helping you to connect with any negative kind of beliefs you have about yourself or how you relate to food and then helping you to rewrite that. Part of the tagline for my show for a long time was like, helping you to rewrite your fate. And that’s what you do when you write a letter to food. So I invite you to consider writing a letter to food. And in case you don’t really like the idea of writing to food, you can also insert other things that maybe have caused a complicated relationship with food and body for you and your life story. So that can be to your body or it can be to the healthcare system.

Julie: It could be to maybe PCOS or another chronic condition that you experience. It could be to the gym or gym class. It could be to anything that you just have identified that has really like caused this big boulder on your journey to recovering this complicated relationship you have with food and your body. And so when you write a letter to food, there are certain ways to kind of think about it to help you just get in the moment and have this experience of helping you to get back in the expert role. And sometimes people talk about having an empty chair in the room with them as they are writing their letter to food or whatever topic you’ve chosen. And so picture maybe, I know, I think about these maybe differently than many people, but I think a lot about the feelings that come up.

So maybe the feelings you get when you think about maybe certain foods or certain situations around food, but it also could be some visuals that you maybe have or some thoughts that you maybe have. And just think about them in a chair across the room and you’re talking to them. And there are some themes that people have brought up over the years that you can kind of look at to see if it stirs up some extra ideas for you but many people have talked about life before they learned that there were good and bad foods or before they learned about dieting, what that joy was like, and then missing out on that connection and wanting to get back to it. Other people have talked about their first diet or when they learned how to diet. Other people have talked about some traumatic experiences that have led them to probably have this complicated relationship with food. And then others will talk about sometimes in the same letter, because this can be really long or it can be really short, just depends on what you need. But people have also talked about what they’re hoping for in the future. Maybe that includes just for themselves or for other people. So I invite you to do the same. I invite you to write a letter to food or any other concept that seems important to you as you are trying to put things back together. And again, if you want to like look at other letters, there’s a really easy way to look at all of them from the show. So every single episode for the first, I think 150 episodes were just a letter. Then after that, we started just to add more different segments to the show. So it became a monthly thing instead. But if you want to look at all those letters, if you just go to my website, julieduffydillon.com, go to the very bottom of that homepage, you will see a bunch of different tabs you can click on. And one of them is listener letters.

And it literally just brings up every episode that has a listener letter. And when you click on that, you’ll find a way to get to the listener letter. I think it’s just at the bottom of each little show note for that episode. You’ll find the exact food letter. You can also listen to those episodes if audio is better for you. And I would love to actually read your letter. I invite you after you do this mini session to share it with me.

If you share it with me, also if you’d be willing to allow it to be a part of the show. There’s a reason why I haven’t had a listener letter in a while. I’m out of letters. I need more letters. So if you haven’t written a letter in a while, maybe you did earlier on when the show first started, you can write another one. Let us know how things are going. And maybe you’ve never written one, but always have wanted to. That’s probably the most common email I get, FYI. I’ve always wanted to write a letter, but I just haven’t yet.

It can feel really big and scary and that’s okay. And it may just be that you have to write many different letters and that’s okay too. So put that empty chair in front of you and just start typing or writing whatever comes out. So send a letter over to me. I will handle it with care and you know, you may hear it on a podcast episode. Of course, that’s only with permission. If you do not want me to share an episode, I would never ever do that. You could just put that in the email.

This is just for you, Julie, not for actually sharing an episode. So you can send those over at info at juliedillandrd.com. You can also just submit them on our website. If you just click on the contact form, that will get you right to it. All right, before I go, I do want to share with you that listener letter, not listener letter, I want to share with you my latest letter to food. And like I mentioned in the top of the episode,

Julie: This is the actual letter that I have in chapter one of my book. So it’s a little sneak peek. No one else has seen this besides me and a few other people. So I’m excited to share it with you. So here it goes. 

Dear food, when I was a new mom struggling with sleep deprivation and thoughts of inadequacy, I got a chance to travel to Europe with a friend. I hadn’t had a moment to myself in 18 months and then I flew to Paris. Paris felt like the opposite of my then current reality, a romantic, eclectic, energizing adult place. I didn’t have a chance to worry about changing a diaper and there was no screaming baby who needed me. The sights, smells, and sounds all fed me. I didn’t have to change a diaper and no screaming baby needed me. The sights, smells and sounds all fed me. Food? High five for that amazing banana and Nutella crepe while I got lost in Paris’ Latin Quarter. Do you remember how I was crying? Not because of my constant feelings of failure that came with motherhood. This time I was so happy, so happy to be lost and alone and no one could find me. I was so grateful for the moment and myself. I was literally blissful being me and strangely eating such a lovely, iconic French street food helped deliver that experience. We haven’t been properly introduced food. My name is Julie and I’m a registered dietitian. Thank you for avocados, olives and French fries. Thank you for energizing me with calories after I gave birth, which let me tell you felt like a marathon. Do you remember the giggles my husband and I had while we took our first bites of wedding cake? Who was the first to smash it into whose face? or the soothing texture and temperature of tomato soup with grilled cheese as our marriage ended. I have continued to be thankful to this day for the leftover spaghetti and meatballs I ate early in the morning after learning the 2016 election results. As I cried for all who would be impacted, that warm emotional eating got me through that moment. Food, you have brought me a connection to joy. You’re a vessel to experiencing life in its most important and mundane moments. You soothe in just one bite. 

You may be wondering why I’m writing. So here it goes. I’ve studied food and eating behavior for over 20 years. I’m fascinated with how and why we eat and the emotional complexity to our individual and collective relationship with food. Ellen Satter says, when we take the joy out of eating, nutrition suffers and we are suffering food. Have you heard about all these diets? All the diets we have keto, low calorie, low fat, low carb, paleo and intermittent fasting.

We have this weird one called clean eating. So if I’m not cleaning, does that mean I’m dirty? We have hidden ones like lifestyle change or just eating healthy or injections of medications designed for diabetes yet used as an instrument for thin compliance. I believe these ideas start for health, but things are getting bad, really bad. The first few years I was a dietitian, I worked with adults trying to lose weight. I also worked with higher weight kids. I saw people trying desperately to lose weight in any way possible.

I also saw them beat themselves up only to witness healthcare providers pushing them when they were down. Literally higher weight people given less care and treated differently. For a long time, I was sucked into this way of thought too. We pushed folks to try harder, that dieting would make them healthier. When people, some of them children, got weighed in and we saw they gained weight, our eyes communicated our disappointment. Many never came back. I never understood why. I feel so much shame today knowing what I know now. Eventually, I started to notice the mind fuck that dieting brings to the participant. It’s a seductive fantasy to start. First days are good and feel like success. Dieters hear encouraging words as they start to lose weight. They describe feeling seen for the first time. As the diet, and it never matters which one, continues. Just about everyone hits a roadblock, maybe in a week or six months or a year, yet eventually they all hit something that makes all the weight come back plus more. Food, I thought I was going crazy. Then I did some research and looked into the statistics. Three to 5% of dieters keep the weight off two to five years post -diet. This was the first time I realized it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my clients. And it wasn’t your fault either, food. The blame? Diets. Food, you’d be proud of me. I don’t teach diets anymore, and I’m teaching other healthcare professionals to do the same.

I have found other fat positive practitioners and they’ve supported and supervised me to help people heal their relationship with you. I know it sounds weird to think of a relationship with food, but there are many reasons to do this. First, we make over 200 eating decisions a day. We think about you a lot. Second, I have found that the way that we experience food mirrors how we relate to others and ourselves. Having a safe and stable way of eating that includes pleasure and promotes health helps us in every other area of life. This may not make much sense yet. I hope it does over time. Here’s the main reason I’m writing food. I’m worried about us. Everyone is so fat phobic and diet obsessed that we’ve disconnected from ourselves. Higher weight people are more than just teased for their body size. They are blocked from accessing dignified healthcare and quality of life. Disorder eating is now considered normal eating. More are sick and feeling ashamed from all of the rigid food rules. People literally blame themselves for these diet failures when it’s really the diet’s fault all along. I think you can help us out food. I want people to be able to write you a letter detailing what makes eating so tough. I would appreciate it if you could go back to us.

I would appreciate it if you could get back to us on some solutions. How to help us get back to enjoying food, reconnecting us to our own innate wisdom to promote health. Most importantly, we need help prioritizing healing and a renewed sense of body autonomy. I speak for my fellow humans. We are out of touch with our most precious and innate knowing, our food voice. Warmly, a concerned dietitian.

All right, so that is my latest letter to food that you will only find in my book that will be coming out in March of 2025. I’m almost done editing it, you’re getting to hear it way before anybody else. So high five to you. Anyway, so that’s the end of today’s mini session episode, and thank you for joining me. I look forward to seeing you here next week with another episode. Until then, take care.