If you’re curious about what it looks like to stop pursuing weight loss, click here for some fabulous freebies that will help guide you in your journey!

Click here to leave me a review on iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Find FREE food voice resources here.

Thank you for supporting Find Your Food Voice!

Julie Duffy Dillon (00:00)

Great news, the Find Your Food Voice book is ready for pre-order. You can get to it at julieduffydillon.com slash book. Again, the Find Your Food Voice book, the book you need to help you reconnect to your own innate eating wisdom and help you break free from diet culture. I have written this book for you and I’m so excited to bring it to you. Get to it at julieduffydillon.com slash book.

Julie Duffy Dillon (00:25)

Welcome to episode 402 of the Find Your Food Voice podcast. We are talking today all about body changes associated with breast cancer treatment, menopause with Lauren Anton. Let’s get to it.

Julie Duffy Dillon (02:07)

Hey there, Julie Duffy Dillon here, your host. And today’s episode is an interview that I have with Lauren Anton. And if you don’t know Lauren yet, Lauren is a fellow dietitian who also specializes in weight inclusive and eating disorder recovery types of nutrition interventions. And I’ve known her for many years. She’s someone that I met at probably some random eating disorder conference many years ago. And my favorite part, of conferences is like one of the reasons why I created this podcast. I have found that the conversations I have in the hallways when I’m probably skipping a session because the conversation is just so juicy. These conversations with colleagues were always just so interesting. And I was always in a place of like, I wish I could have recorded this to share with folks who don’t actually work inside this profession. So you could hear the dialogue and the work that’s being done behind the scenes. And Lauren is someone who lives on the other side of the country from me. And so I don’t get to see very often, but I would only see her at conferences. Well, unfortunately, the pandemic and lots of other transitions have put a stop to a lot of conferences. So I have relied on things like Facebook and Instagram, just like you, to stay connected to people like Lauren, who I don’t get to see very often. But if you don’t know, In the fall of 2022, my meta accounts got hacked, hacked to the point where they’re not retrievable ever again. And I took it as a sign from the universe that I have just better things to do than to be hanging on meta. And I’m really grateful now, now that I’m seeing the state of what’s happening in the metaverse. But unfortunately, I’ve lost track of what’s happening with a lot of my friends. And with the voice finder email newsletter, I have felt really lucky and then Lauren is someone who will often reply back whenever I send out email newsletters. So we’ve had some dialogue and we had dialogue recently to the point where it was starting to sound like our conference chats. And we were like, we need to actually record this conversation. So if you want to join the newsletter, the one that has kept me connected with Lauren, you can do that by going on my website. There’s lots of freebies that can help you then get connected to my email newsletter. And I send out these voice finder newsletter messages every week. But again, because of this newsletter and her just replying back, we were able to build this episode today. So I have so much that I was needing to catch up on in her life. And last time I saw her, she was in a completely different place. And what we’re going to be talking about today is her cancer diagnosis journey what that was like and how that impacted her relationship with her body and food. There is also some discussion of suicidal ideation and depression from a medication she needed in order to treat her cancer. And in case you’re wanting to take care of yourself and skip through those parts, that’s about 20 minutes in to the interview where we discuss that just for about a minute. And so I’m really excited to bring you this episode because She also talks about experiencing midlife in a different way because of medical menopause. Menopause, perimenopause, midlife, those are topics that I know for you as a listener, you’ve been very interested in hearing me talk more about. So when Lauren was like, I needed to unpack this information about how I experienced menopause, I was like, let’s bring it. So before we get to this episode with Lauren, a few quick announcements.

Like I mentioned at the top of the show, the Find Your Food Voice book is almost here. I cannot wait for you to read this. I’m very proud of this book and I built it as a tool to help you. Maybe you’ve read Intuitive Eating already. Maybe you’re working towards eating disorder recovery with a team and you just need access to more support and tools. This is the book I wrote for you. It is something that I hope you feel the connection to almost like a poetry with practical tips, as you are moving along this kind of complicated experience with food in 2025. So pre ordering the book is something you can also do to very simply help support me and my team as we are putting out these free episodes to bring you more access to your food voice. And you can get to the pre order on my website, julieduffydillon.com slash book. And while you’re on my website,

If you wanna help make this podcast better, you can do that in just one to two minutes plus enter to win a Doordash gift card. Someone has to win, it might as well be you, right? So you can take the Find Your Food Voice podcast listener survey. And again, it’s just one to two minutes. It’s gonna help me build more products and better episodes for you as you’re navigating this food hellscape right now, right?

We are all preparing for a new administration in the United States and we know that’s gonna impact your relationship with food and my relationship with food. So sticking together, joining us and helping to make this podcast and this like voice finder community just more supportive. Doing the survey will help me and my team to do that. So you can get to it on my website as well, julieduffydillon.com/survey. All right, so with that all being said, those are all the announcements. We’re gonna pause just for a very quick ad break and then we’ll be back with my interview with Lauren Anton.

Julie Duffy Dillon (07:53)

Hey Lauren, good to see you.

Lauren Anton (07:56)

Julie, good to see you too, yay!

Julie Duffy Dillon (07:58)

I know I’m so excited. This is like such a selfish conversation because I finally get a chance to catch the fuck up with you. we of course have been chatting like all podcasters do before we push record. And I told you and I’ll tell the listener like I haven’t I haven’t known what’s going on with you for almost three years because you know Facebook and Instagram is how I stayed connected with so many of my friends and colleagues and Yeah, so that was the fall of 2022. So catch me up. How is life? Where do we start?

Lauren Anton (08:33)

Oh my gosh, yeah Where do we start? Let’s see. yeah, 2022. I was yeah, so the last time you saw you even said the last time I saw you were like happy and relationship.

Julie Duffy Dillon (08:38)

I know. Yes, you were dating and like the big smiles on your face. It was definitely inspiration for me. I was like not quite separated yet. I was like not divorced yet. So I was like, look how happy she is. This could be me. yeah. No, no, no, no. I was, I had moved through the cynical jaded stage already.

Lauren Anton (08:55)

Yeah. well, like, if so, hopeful. You weren’t, like, in that, like, cynical, like perfect. Yeah, no, I thought I was with the woman I was gonna marry. I had an abnormal mammogram in March of 2023. And so very shortly after you got off the socials, March of 2023, I got an abnormal mammogram and I was like, what? Because, so I’m 50, I just turned 51 yesterday. Thank you.

Julie Duffy Dillon (09:38)

Hmm.Happy birthday.

Lauren Anton (09:44)

I was, at that point, was 49 and I had been getting mammograms since I was 40. And I got mine and they call me, yeah, it’s abnormal. We need to do another one. all that to say please get your mammograms because they did catch breast cancer eventually. I mean it was from March all the way till June 1st is when I finally got the diagnosis. So that’s how long it took. So it was a lot of limbo. It was like, you know, like mammogram, another mammogram. Then it was like ultrasound. and then it would take a long time to get into these appointments. So all the while, my relationship was kind of eroding during that time. And I didn’t know this, let’s just cut to the week I was diagnosed. She broke up with me over FaceTime on a Tuesday. On Wednesday, she came and picked up her stuff. And then on Thursday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have, so what I have is lobular cancer, which is a deeper cancer, if you remember your, so there’s ductal, which is like, you know, more to the surface, and then the lobules are what produce the milk. That’s where my cancer was. So I couldn’t feel it. Lobular grows like a vine sideways and it skips cells. And so it was in the left, in the right breast, as I sit, Thank God. I’m like doing one of these. like, you know, I know they’re like, wait, wait, so are you just gonna like, you know, what’s happening here? And so I have a stage two B lobular cancer. So it got into the lymph nodes. So I had to have like some, you know, there was like 14 lymph nodes removed because they have to take them out in a lump.

Julie Duffy Dillon (11:25)

People watching on YouTube are gonna get little extra.

Lauren Anton (11:48)

there were three of them that had cancer. One of them had burst open. Yeah, so it’s called invasive lobular carcinoma. And so because one of them had burst open, I had to have chemo. And going through chemo, here’s the amazing thing about getting dumped right before.

Lauren Anton (12:13)

you start all this and right as I’m diagnosed with cancer is by your partner that you thought you were gonna marry. My family came, my sister was with me at every single chemo and every single appointment and if she couldn’t be there, my dad was there. my son’s dad was like an amazing help. my son was, he was 10 when I was diagnosed. It was my friends like, like they created you know a meal train for me I mean like all of this so cuz I had to have a double mastectomy in August I chose to have a reconstruction. I got to, and this will be important, because it was deep and because the cancer hadn’t gotten near the nipples, I got to save my nipples, which is actually really nice.

Julie Duffy Dillon (13:00)

Mm-hmm. That’s a conversation that I don’t think many people know about unless they’ve been through breast cancer or known someone how that is just a part of the discussion with body image in this process. So yeah. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (13:08)

Yep. Exactly and I got to so a couple body image pieces. I got to keep my nipples Then they have you decide how your boobs are gonna look I’m like This was this was very hard in terms of body image. Let me tell you. the no sensation in my in my breasts at all none

Julie Duffy Dillon (13:33)

since having reconstruction.

Lauren Anton (13:35)

Yeah, just since having the double mastectomy, there is no sensation. And they said this, you will have no sensation. Now they’re having like new things where, I bet in 20 years, like they’ll find a way to have sensation. So, you know, here it is. I don’t have since.

Julie Duffy Dillon (13:37)

Yeah. Okay. How many people are studying that though? I mean, it just seems like someone with breasts having sensation, like I can’t see people being like, yeah, let’s fund it. Cause it has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction, you know, like, right? Like, so why would they fund it? So anyway, I’m jaded. That’s my jaded part still living inside of me. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (14:02)

know, right? No, it’s not jaded, it’s facts. now you get to choose what kind of boobs you’re gonna have. Are you kidding me? Or do you wanna go flat? they’re like, by the way, if you want the option, you have to put these expanders in right at the double mastectomy or you won’t have a choice. You will just have nothing and that is a choice. So I considered it. I was like, I’m not ready for that.

Julie Duffy Dillon (14:18)

Yeah, exactly.

Lauren Anton (14:27)

everything happens so fast. yeah, you really do. because they’re like, this is kind of a fast moving cancer,

Julie Duffy Dillon (14:29)

And yeah, you have to make a decision quickly. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (14:38)

So we need to make these decisions. the year prior to that, I was training to do a backpacking along the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, which was like a whole big deal. And I was training to do that. And on the day I was supposed to fly to Peru, I ended up getting a double mastectomy instead. So my sister was like, this is your Machu Picchu.

Julie Duffy Dillon (15:01)

that’s so funny. but then it’s so cute. And you’re never someone who comes off as like toxic positivity. Getting that one.

Lauren Anton (15:11)

I die, my sister, she always made me laugh during all my chemo appointments. I would be laughing, we would be loud. people are like sitting there, honestly, people are sitting there by themselves. And it was magical. My sis, and specifically to have my sister there. You know, she made me laugh. my God.

Julie Duffy Dillon (15:13)

I love it so much. weird though. So what was it like to have someone sit there with you through treatment? that’s so great. Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (15:35)

You know, she made me laugh. Like, just, we laughed the entire time. I mean, if you can, like that’s a gift. That is a gift. Because almost no one has that.

Julie Duffy Dillon (15:41)

That’s so great. Mm hmm.

Lauren Anton (15:49)

So for me, and I think for a lot of people with breast cancer, they pump you full of steroids, which does cause body changes. Yeah. The kind I experienced was

Julie Duffy Dillon (15:54)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, what kind did you experience?

Lauren Anton (16:04)

my weight went up. I wasn’t like necessarily in fact I would like they would weigh me you know for the chemo. They would never put it in my chart bless them and I would stand backwards. You know they needed it to to do the chemo because normally I would be like I don’t I’m like nah never mind I don’t want to get weighed or I’ll stand I’ll get on there with I one time I got on with my backpack boots jeans and a huge sweater and I just like looked at her like, yeah, yeah, this is my weight. And sometimes I make a little stupid statement like that, you know, and I have thin privilege for sure. And so when I say this, it’s like, you know, I go to, thin body to, you know, like,

Julie Duffy Dillon (16:36)

Don’t fuck with me. Yeah, see this is the Lauren I know. Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (16:54)

like another version of a thin body. any body shift is like really tough because I wasn’t like ever dieting or anything. I was just weight stable, athletic. I was obviously I was training to do a lot of things.

Julie Duffy Dillon (17:04)

Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah, because your main sport was running, right? Wasn’t that this? Okay, okay. That’s what I thought.

Lauren Anton (17:13)

Yep. Yeah, that’s what I did was running and then I started hiking so so I was hiking and you know all that was put on hold and it became about like dealing with the courting that comes from the loss of the lymph nodes here and just like double mastectomy in general. I was lucky enough to be in physical therapy, like all throughout chemo.

Julie Duffy Dillon (17:37)

Great.

Lauren Anton (17:37)

Because after the double mastectomy I had like drains coming out my sides. it was really painful and the whole thing was very hard. My sister stayed with me for a week and after that it was people just coming in and checking on me. during chemo, so I always had chemo on a Thursday. So on Wednesday night I had to take a steroid. And, and then the next day they pump you like literally in your port. But here’s my port scar. You can’t you can’t really see it. so they they intravenously pump you full of steroids. the next day,

Julie Duffy Dillon (18:06)

Yeah.

Lauren Anton (18:14)

you take steroids too. It’s just steroids. Yes, there’s so many steroids. it’s to mitigate the effects of the chemo. And so that caused over time, you know, weight gain. It also caused a lot of carb cravings. That’s real. Yeah, that is real.

Julie Duffy Dillon (18:15)

yeah. What was that like for you? Did it take a little bit to figure out that’s what was happening or could you tell right away that?

Lauren Anton (18:38)

No, I knew they told they, talk about like loss of, don’t know, like just loss of ownership over your body. It’s like a, like a thing is taking over. and even though I was like,

Lauren Anton (18:53)

Okay, you know, I know what this is, it’s still very difficult. and I talked to people who, had very big body changes. I was, even with the sort of like knowing, you know, all the intuitive eating skills just all the medical knowledge I have, like, still, it doesn’t matter if you’re not binging at night over these things, which by the way, could have been very easy to do, very, very, very easy. because it felt like a bottomless pit.

Julie Duffy Dillon (19:21)

Yeah, yeah, people I know in my life who’ve experienced cancer, a lot of the talk that they got from their medical providers would focus on nutrition and preventing weight gain. So I could see how that would be a mindfuck if you noticed I’m craving carbs, I can’t control myself around carbs. And then also holding that other information in your brain of like, God, they told me that in order to like stay alive, I can’t gain weight,

Lauren Anton (19:58)

I could go off on a tangent on that. Yeah, I, fact, the one time I went to like this free event for people with breast cancer and the whole nutrition thing was like about how to lose weight after. like here’s the deal, not only.

Lauren Anton (20:16)

am I put on these things, the steroids, and my weight went up such that, and this is the kicker. It sized me up out of all my clothes. And I was not in a financial position to be buying a bunch of clothes. It was very, very upsetting to me, I’ll be really frank. And…

Julie Duffy Dillon (20:29)

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, having clothing is like a part of just like having dignity, you know.

Lauren Anton (20:43)

I just was like, my gosh. So I have like essentially a ton of clothes that I can’t wear to this day. because even after the chemo, which ended in January 11th, 2024, I got my reconstruction in February of 2024 and then in March of 2024 because I have cancer or had, don’t even know. In March I started because I have hormone positive estrogen progesterone positive HER2 negative So I had to start hormone suppressors, so that is when I got So the first chemo I had shoved into menopause and so so The last period I ever had was September 21st 2023 that was my the day after my first chemo

Julie Duffy Dillon (21:24)

Why would you get… Okay, yeah.

Lauren Anton (21:38)

And I had, I thought I was having flashbacks to giving birth, which was not pleasant for me. the, yeah, it was like, like heavy to the point of ridiculous. And I was by myself. So I would get my chemo on a Thursday and then Friday I would go in for hydration, more steroids, more stuff. And then Saturday and Sunday and Monday were horrendous and I was alone.

Julie Duffy Dillon (21:39)

Okay. with your first period or your period, your last period during your first chemo, okay. Yeah

Lauren Anton (22:08)

And that was when I was really missing having a partner because it’s like, that’s when you want a partner to just, so you know who my partner was, was my kitty. Her name is Shirley, but she goes by Sher Sher.

Julie Duffy Dillon (22:11)

Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Aww, what’s your cat’s name? Okay, she answers a Sher Sher That’s so great.

Lauren Anton (22:23)

And she’s literally, literally the cutest and I love her so much. Like I would literally cry in pain and and like I would just hold her like we would just spoon. would spoon. And yeah. it gets cumulative and it gets harder and harder. And I only went through six rounds. Some people go through like a million rounds like they’re like, I went through 16 rounds like, my God, I thought six.

Julie Duffy Dillon (22:36)

Mm hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So six rounds, does that mean six days you went in for chemo or?

Lauren Anton (22:52)

Yeah, so every three weeks it was a round of chemo, so six times. And then, yeah, so it was like it ended up being from September 20th to January 11th.

Julie Duffy Dillon (22:57)

Mm hmm. Okay. So, okay, got it. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (23:08)

Yeah, I did cold capping, so to protect my hair follicles, but most of my hair still fell out, but it was already growing back by the end. They’re like, see how it’s growing. I mean, you know, so my hair is like, yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (23:10)

She did that Yeah.

Yes. And if you’re not watching on YouTube, know, Lauren has wonderful like curly hair and I’m assuming it’s a lot of hair, you know, and it’s thick. Yeah. That’s interesting because not everyone else has that. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (23:33)

A ton of hair, it grew back exactly the same. I will say, cold capping works in that. It did protect the hair follicle. Because I’ll tell you what, every single other hair on my body is not the same. It’s less, like, you know, I have to draw my eyebrows in, these are not real. And like, they’re barely there. You know, like I barely have any body hair anymore. But you know what grew back in force all by itself? My nose hairs.

Julie Duffy Dillon (23:44)

What’s that? love it. The universe has its strange ways. What was the shift for menopause is just like dramatic for everyone. And I have a couple friends who went through surgical menopause or like they had a hysterectomy. Yeah, yeah. And so that just seems even like using your steroid reference, like that seems like menopause on steroids because it’s just so fast. Is that how it was for you? Was it a really quick turn into menopause?

Lauren Anton (24:03)

and Yes. or medical menopause, yeah.

Yeah, it was awful. the chemo is chemo, okay? And that’s the whole thing. You know, it was awful. but like this kind of like getting on these hormone suppressors, I because she was hoping I was in menopause. She goes, lot of times people will get kicked into menopause with chemo. So she was hoping, because I had that last period and then never had another one all throughout chemo, she was hoping I wouldn’t have to do the Lupron shot in addition. So I started on this one aromatase inhibitor it’s like being like you know, like just drop kicked into menopause. Suddenly I’m having like chemo, have really bad like hot flashes weirdly. And this I just was having like that. that had abated after I had stopped, after I stopped the chemo, then they came back with a vengeance. I now take magnesium in the morning and magnesium at night to mitigate that, which by the way, I experimented getting off of it. Yeah, I got right back on. And…

Julie Duffy Dillon (25:44)

Okay. That’s what we all have to do. Is the magnesium dosage different? I’ll just, the disclaimer, talk to your individual healthcare provider before you start any supplement. But is the magnesium dosage similar to using it for other conditions? Like I use it for my migraine or for sleep or constipation. it like, because I know with constipation you use more. Uh-huh.

Lauren Anton (25:57)

Yeah. I it’s because I take it in the morning and at night, it’s a little more than like say for constipation, because I suggest people to take it. And it’s like this one certain type that of course I’m blanking on. can give it to you later though. he said this is the one that was studied. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, I, the brain fog and then the crushing depression, which I really, really tried. on an SSRI, I got like all the things. And I went into by the time September hit last year, I said, look, here’s the deal, I am going to get off this med, even though if I do, I will eventually get breast cancer again and die. Because one way or another, this is deadly. I cannot stay on this. It’s intrusive, the aromatase inhibitor I was on. so for me, like you never know what side effects you’re gonna get. So for me, it was continued weight gain and no one cared about that. To my team’s credit, no one not once cared about like, and now you have to lose weight. One, I’m a dietitian.

Julie Duffy Dillon (26:58)

Which medicine are you talking about? Yeah. They didn’t. Okay. I wonder if that was part of it, the like starting out in a thinner body, maybe I don’t know. I wonder if they would react differently. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I want to be hopeful that they wouldn’t say to any person, but you know, healthcare providers. Yeah. Yeah. So was a depression a side effect of that medication? Okay.

Lauren Anton (27:26)

Maybe yeah that because that’s why I preface this whole conversation with look I got thin privilege so right there so no one’s on a case And I don’t know, because yeah. mean like, yeah, so what we did was we trialed a month off. This is how I found out. I was not in menopause because my estrogen went right back to normal in the one month. So now I have to be on Lupron as well. Every three months I get a shot, these medications cause muscle loss, they cause bone density loss, they cause fat mass, like literal adipose tissue gain, and they cause brain fog like i can’t remember shit like you know if i thought it was bad before in perimenopause because i was in perimenopause it’s like her it’s horrendous i have to have like a lot of reminders things written down things kept out otherwise i will forget them and then the depression is what was really the kicker. So we we got we trialed off for a month and then it was like it lifted and it was like like suicidal ideation depression, okay

Lauren Anton (28:52)

Like that’s why the last that time I went and I said I need to get off I am gonna get off this whether or not you like it Because I’d rather die happy than not like I yeah, I can’t have these intrusive thoughts of literal death all the time

Julie Duffy Dillon (28:57)

Yeah, yeah, it was that debilitating.

Lauren Anton (29:13)

It was it was killing me and Those lifted I mean in the in the final week off when we trialed off in that, you know fourth week I was like, my god, I mean it was like I can breathe and so she switched me and

Julie Duffy Dillon (29:28)

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (29:33)

It’s been great ever since. the body changes are there. know, speaking of like, like having to choose, like to backtrack to having to choose like your boobs, your breasts.

Julie Duffy Dillon (29:34)

Good, good. Yeah, what an interesting experience. I’m like picturing you looking at a catalog and being like, not those, not those, maybe those. Like, like, it’s just what an interesting experience.

Lauren Anton (29:53)

Yeah, they were like, yeah, and I said, luckily I went to someone who only does reconstructions for breast cancer, I wanted them like the same or smaller. Because I was like, they’re too big, they’re too big. And, that’s the big athlete in me. I was always like the big chested runner. And I didn’t like that. And that was like from high school. So that’s like the baggage I’m bringing into it. Like, you know, the boys would I went to an all girls school, but when we would run, they would, there was a lot of commentary, which I didn’t like. look at her bounce, know, which they were not what they are today.

Julie Duffy Dillon (30:32)

And yes, sports bras were not how they are today. choices. I was not that person, but some of my friends were. Yeah, exactly. I can remember.

Lauren Anton (30:40)

And they’re just, it’s ridiculous. I remember you have to stand there and be looked at, You’re just half clothed.

Julie Duffy Dillon (30:56)

Mm-hmm. And she’s like trying to figure out like what type of breasts like shape you have or something

Lauren Anton (31:01)

She and she goes, look, here’s the deal. If you go too small, you go, she goes, you have a really wide rib cage. These are the words. You have a really wide rib cage and it’s going to like literally my bones and.

Julie Duffy Dillon (31:08)

Yeah. I was like, probably why you’re such a good runner too, because there’s probably some nice lungs underneath there.

Lauren Anton (31:18)

Yeah, you know, it’s like triggering all these old things and I’m like having to be like don’t choose this like just okay sure sure and and then I remember like She goes if you go too small, it’s going to look weird It goes I’m just gonna tell you that

Julie Duffy Dillon (31:23)

I bet. Yeah. Okay.

Lauren Anton (31:37)

Like this is literally how she, she’s very down to earth, I love her. And she goes, it’s gonna look odd on you. You keep showing me pictures of people with little rib cages. And this is, it’s so interesting, like the stuff that comes up. Like I kept showing her people that weren’t me at all.

Julie Duffy Dillon (31:39)

Mm-hmm. Yes. that’s so interesting, especially as someone who like helps people with body image and recovery. Yeah. But I mean, we live in the same fucking world. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (32:00)

And I know better, but like your old stuff, your old, yeah. And like these little people, these Elvin people, I shouldn’t say. But like, yeah, these people who aren’t, they just simply don’t have my body, line. And she’s like, look, yeah, they got narrow rib cages. And I…

Julie Duffy Dillon (32:08)

huh. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. A more narrow rib cage, yeah. And that’s not you.

Lauren Anton (32:25)

so I had to like come to terms with like, this is my body type. I got a wide rib cage. What are you gonna do? Literally nothing. tell me what to do. And she was like, yeah, she goes, I would do, she goes, so I would kind of do what you had because you looked proportioned. It was fine. You know, like just do what you know.

Julie Duffy Dillon (32:28)

Yeah, yeah. Good, there you go.

Lauren Anton (32:43)

So they’re pretty much the same exact size It’s still they don’t look the same. There’s like permanent bruising from the double mastectomy actually. They were like that might not go away. totally didn’t. And there’s like scarring all, you know, like, and they did a great job like hiding it, but they’re still scarring from here. There’s like tiny little flaps here from like the, where the drains were.

Lauren Anton (33:12)

And then here’s the kicker. She goes, okay, in order for the breast to look natural instead of like a bag, like a skin bag with an implant in it, need to put fat grafts from your own fat. And she goes, where do you not lose weight?

Julie Duffy Dillon (33:35)

Yeah, I know where this is going.

Lauren Anton (33:40)

you know, where do you have stubborn fat? And I was like, at first I was like,

Julie Duffy Dillon (33:46)

Like we’ve been trained to not even like honor that kind of question ever. that, Lord.

Lauren Anton (33:51)

Right and then I have to sit there and so I said I don’t know my stomach and she goes She’s looking at me again. I’m half naked and she goes See here’s the thing cuz you had a baby if I take out from there you’re gonna have like loose skin so Unless you want to have another surgery that’s not covered by insurance You know, what do you want to do? And she goes, know what? If I were you I would do the the fat on your lower back, she’s like, now we’re doing this, right? Like the fat on your lower back, you lose there? And I was like, you know what?

Julie Duffy Dillon (34:24)

my gosh. Did she get a Sharpie out and it was like circling certain areas or something? Like, oh no. Oh no. Whoa.

Lauren Anton (34:34)

Yes. Yeah, she was like, here, the day of they did a sharpie. Of course, you know, they have to. Yeah, so they do the right thing. And I was like, you know what, do that. Like let her choose, you know, I’m like, you’ve done literally, I don’t even like hundreds and upon hundreds of these. So like you tell me. And she was like, I would do that. And so I was like, great.

Julie Duffy Dillon (34:42)

Yeah, I would imagine that because they’re, but right. Exactly.

Lauren Anton (35:06)

Like, you know what? And then, you of course there were comments about like, well, now your butt’s gonna pop more. You know what, guys? You know, it’s just like simply not true. I look pretty much the same.

Julie Duffy Dillon (35:07)

What was it? Yeah. Well, so what was it like for you to? I don’t, you know, I’m not in your brain with you, but like. Well, yes, like what was it like to to try to reframe or to like have compassion for your body in those moments like all these different things you’re describing, you know, what did you do to like get through it and try to focus on compassion and and, you know, use all the skills that we talk about all the time?

Lauren Anton (35:25)

That was just definitely a mess. Yeah, started, I would start, do Vipassana, Shamatha Vipassana meditation, which is an eyes open meditation. I would like have like the last two minutes of it be like a complete body compassion. Like a loving kindness, self compassion meditation for my body. And literally just like.

Lauren Anton (36:09)

like touching my belly, which is, that’s hard for me, And just touching like my, you know, my heart, It’s weird, honestly, to touch here. Yeah, just lower down. And then like just giving myself all the compassion and love and like even having a loving kindness towards my body, loving kindness meditation,

Julie Duffy Dillon (36:11)

Mm-hmm. Like lower down in your chest, yeah.

Lauren Anton (36:32)

and because the the really Negative self-talk just started up again I started to notice as I passed the mirror like just intense hatred and disgust

Julie Duffy Dillon (36:32)

Yeah. That’s what I would imagine, yeah.

Lauren Anton (36:49)

and because my body looked so different to me, you know what, to be honest, probably didn’t look that different to anyone else, I suppose. I don’t know and I don’t care. I noticed, and I’ll tell my clients this, I’m like, know you live in your body and this is hard for you,

Julie Duffy Dillon (37:00)

Yeah. I think for anybody who’s gonna go through menopause, they’re gonna experience body changes. Actually, I didn’t say this. I’m like any human being, if we get to live older, we’re gonna go through body changes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, so if someone is going through without cancer treatment or like a medical menopause, or is going through something like you did, and they’re hearing that negative self-talk,

Lauren Anton (37:14)

You will. The alternative is death, literally.

Julie Duffy Dillon (37:31)

they’re hearing those, like the disgust, like that is such a common word we hear people use and that we may yourselves, yeah, that’s the word. And

Lauren Anton (37:37)

I use it on purpose. let’s be real. Let’s be real.

Julie Duffy Dillon (37:41)

What do you recommend to people in those moments? What would you suggest to do when you hear the disgust or the self-hatred?

Lauren Anton (37:50)

like literally like move out of that path. Like at that moment you have a choice because now that you’ve noticed it noticing is like yeah, cause you won’t, step one is noticing like sometimes you won’t notice and it takes a beat with the minute you notice, now you have a choice.

Julie Duffy Dillon (37:58)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, when you notice it, yeah. So that’s probably even step one is notice it. yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah,

Lauren Anton (38:10)

You could continue along that path or you can be like shift, literally shift the mind. Sometimes the best I could do in those moments. And I’ll tell clients this, you don’t have to sit there and love your body like, I love you. Like maybe you don’t have the capability in that moment to do that or at this time, at the very least.

Julie Duffy Dillon (38:24)

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (38:32)

We shift the mind. would shift my mind. would be like, okay, sometimes I would, have like big, I didn’t put them in. They were here when I moved in. Big closet mirrors. I would just move the mirror and be like, move and busy myself with the next indicated action. Stop the thought. Stop it. Stop it like that one. Like the Bob Newhart thing. Stop it. Like, no.

Julie Duffy Dillon (38:44)

Mmm. Like distract yourself. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes, gosh, I haven’t thought about Bob Newhart a long time. Rest in peace.

Lauren Anton (39:01)

my God. Yeah, rest in peace. Yeah, I could in the moments of meditation, consciously when I’m in like, I’m not in the thick of it. I’m not like moving from like, you know, the disgust moment to like, I love you. You know? Yeah, that’s

Julie Duffy Dillon (39:13)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That sounds funny. Because it’s how it works, you know? No.

Lauren Anton (39:24)

That’s not how it works, folks. Or I mean, you know what? If it works like that for you, wonderful. Go for it. Please don’t stop. Yeah. Our listeners.

Julie Duffy Dillon (39:29)

They’re not listening to my podcast then, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, that’s not real for most people, you know? That just isn’t. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lauren Anton (39:39)

It’s just not like how are you supposed to boop boop boop, you know like that. a lot of times while i’m getting ready I will literally listen to like a podcast or music or npr or the local radio station why? because there’s a lot of mirrors going on. so that became like a really nice distraction because I would be really listening to, whatever it was.

Julie Duffy Dillon (39:56)

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (39:59)

it really puts my I’m like thinking about that and doing my hair and and so then in moments of neutrality when I’m like meditating and you know, I’m like just meditate doing my normal meditation practice then I can practice and it is a practice of like self like that self compassion and and

Lauren Anton (40:24)

loving kindness towards my body. Loving kindness is simply may I be healthy, may I be peaceful. You can make it up though. so may I have ease in my life. Traditionally, it’s you do it with your own self, then you do it with someone you love, then you do it with someone who is like you don’t even really know, like a neutral person, and then you do it with maybe someone you, you know, have an issue with, and then you do it for the world, okay? You can just globalize that with the body. doing it with a part that you just really appreciate, doing it with, yeah, doing it with a part that you have an issue with, doing it with the body as a whole, you know, like that. And I think that is so useful, especially when, again, it’s not gonna be something you jump to from the disgust moment to, and da, da, da, da.

Julie Duffy Dillon (41:00)

Yeah, start there. Yep. Mm-hmm. I love that. Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (41:24)

Hey, if that works for you great otherwise use the just I for me I use the distraction and and then when I’m in like doing just regular meditation practice I tack on that extra couple minutes and just like sit in like You know even like a minute of it and sit in that met in that loving kindness. My gosh like a minute of meditation is perfect

Julie Duffy Dillon (41:43)

Right. Yeah, don’t don’t you have to do for hours and hours a minute is fabulous. Yes. I love it. I want to talk to you for hours and hours and I know we have to get off the phone now and I hate it so much. Well, maybe I’ll just have you come back and you can tell me some more about what’s going on. Why not? Let’s do it. So where can people find you though if they want to know more about you? Where should they go?

Lauren Anton (41:58)

I know. I hate it. Part two? my- I’m I have a whole brand new website. Lauren Anton RD as in registered dietitian com I Speak I will be adding to this this year. I’m be adding some workshops.

Julie Duffy Dillon (42:18)

Okay.

Lauren Anton (42:24)

Like it’s gonna be directed towards folks who have gone through breast cancer or any cancer and want to reconnect with their bodies and in a loving, in a compassionate way,

Julie Duffy Dillon (42:31)

Mm-hmm. So you’re a really great speaker.

Lauren Anton (42:39)

I love speaking on, I love doing supervision so much. I specialize in eating disorders for years now, years and years, and sports nutrition. I think part of coming back to the body is getting back to things that you love and then honoring that. Like, okay, what can, what am I able to do now? Yeah, and just like discovering that and being.

Julie Duffy Dillon (42:55)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Lauren Anton (43:03)

Easeful with it. I’m a trained meditation instructor. So like I bring that into not only sessions but like these the workshops

Julie Duffy Dillon (43:04)

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Anton (43:11)

in my previous career, I taught writing and so creative writing. So doing like guided journaling is a big thing. that’s, yeah, that’s what we’ll be doing. So I know, but go visit my website. I’m gonna be having a newsletter and which should be starting in the next month or two. And so sign up for that, please. And you will get wonderful news.

Julie Duffy Dillon (43:20)

So excited. That’s in the future. Well, awesome.

Lauren Anton (43:38)

letters that are going to be jam packed with awesomeness.

Julie Duffy Dillon (43:41)

I cannot wait, especially knowing now that you’re a writer. I will be signing up. So thank you. I’m glad things are going well. So thanks so much for your time today. I appreciate it.

Lauren Anton (43:51)

Thank you for having me on.

Julie Duffy Dillon (43:53)

So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Lauren and were able to take some tips to add to your life no matter what you’re experiencing, no matter what body changes you are experiencing or may in the future. Again, I hope this conversation was helpful for you. Before we go, just a quick reminder, the Find Your Food Voice book is ready for pre-order just a few more weeks until you get to read it. my gosh, this is so exciting for me. And so you can pre-order it at julieduffydillon.com slash book. And I thank you in advance for the support. It really does help me and my team to be able to continue to do this podcast. So thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, that’s enough for today. And I look forward to being in your ears next week for another episode of the Find Your Food Voice podcast. Until then, take care.