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Transcripts:

Julie Duffy Dillon (00:00)

Hey there, welcome to episode 430 of the Find Your Food Voice podcast. Today we have a letter episode with special guest, Shannetta MacDonald. Let’s get to

Hey there, friend. I am Julie Duffy Dillon, registered dietitian and your host of Find Your Food Voice. Welcome today. I am looking forward to sharing this episode with you because I have a very important letter that I think many of you can relate to. In fact, when I read through this letter, it reminded me so much of clients I worked with over the years. And after 10 years of this podcast, if you haven’t listened to the last episode,

definitely listen to it because something I announced in that last episode is that this will be the last season of Find Your Food Voice. And the reason why I made this podcast in particular is because my clients would talk about these themes. And while everyone had their own story and lived experience, the themes were so similar. When I would see clients back to back, I’m like, everyone’s talking about the same shame and isolation and blame.

and just feeling overwhelmed and like they’re doing things in secret. And I wanted to do this podcast because I wanted to share all these stories with you so you knew you’re not alone because if you can remove the shame and blame and not feel like you have to suffer in silence, that’s like taking away like so much of the heavy burden of repairing your relationship with food. And

Again, the letter I have today is a great representation of that. She is someone who’s in midlife and has a really complicated relationship with food because their body was smaller and now it’s not. they are like, my identity is shifting and changing and they just feel really overwhelmed. So I also am excited to share with you a new to me person.

someone that reached out and we were chatting over email and we were like, we need to get together on this podcast and talk about things that we share in common. And this person is Shanetta McDonald.

Shanetta is a somatic life coach and someone who is also very open about her own recovery from an eating disorder. And I’m so glad that I had a chance to talk with her and have her help me with this letter. She provided some wonderful insight that I think will also be helpful to you. Before we get to this episode’s letter and you get to meet Shanetta,

I want to let you know a few announcements. First and foremost, like I mentioned earlier, the podcast is going to be ending soon. It’s going to be ending in April of 2026. And while this is bittersweet, it’s also something that my team and I know is the next best step for us. Yet we also want to have a way to kind of put everything together in like a pretty package with a bow. You know, we want to be able to have a way to conclude this podcast.

together. And so I would love to include your voice, your story, your letters, anything that you have learned from the show or picked up from it. I know I’ve talked to folks individually over the years about how they first heard about intuitive eating or how to recover from an eating disorder. Some of my favorite conversations I’ve had over the years are clinicians who listen to my show.

as someone who was in the throes of an eating disorder, recovered from their eating disorder, then decided to become a clinician to help more people recover from an eating disorder. And they’re like, it was because of your show. I’m like instant crying whenever people tell me things like that. So I would love for us to just have this kind of moment, this kind of community where we can bring all of our voices and stories together so we can make sure that they’re remembered. So.

You can send us voice notes or emails at info at juliedillonrd.com. There’s also a place to just connect with me on my website on the contact page if you wanna do that instead. But I’m so excited to just find out how you have, maybe how your relationship with food was impacted by listening to the Find Your Food Voice podcast. And yeah.

It’s going to be bittersweet, but it’s also like, I’m excited just to have all these stories together in one place.

And you may be wondering, where is Julie going? Well, I’m not really going anywhere. I am just making space for what is next. But what I’m doing in the meantime is I’m continuing to write. Writing the Find Your Food Voice book helped me to appreciate how much I love being a writer and I want to keep doing that. It also is something that helps me to still work with a chronic illness. And so you can get to all the work I’m doing now on Substack and it’s findyourfoodvoice.substack.com.

and join me there, especially if you have PCOS or insulin resistance, you’ll find my research deep dives are really written for you. also the Find Your Food Voice book is something that you can purchase at any time. You can get it anywhere books are sold. All right, we’re gonna take a very quick sponsor break and then you are gonna hear this episode’s letter.

Julie Duffy Dillon (05:24)

Dear food, over the years I’ve grown to love you, cooking and baking you, experimenting with ways to put you together in a meal or a dessert, and of course, eating you. The problem is that I’ve also struggled with body image and guilt about you, especially now that I’ve reached midlife. I was one of those kids and teens who was naturally thin.

It was probably a mix of my genetics, my pickiness and my anxiety, which often shut down my appetite. People commented on my small appetite and my thinness a lot from a fairly young age. The comments ranged from admiration to mild concern, but the general message I got was that being thin was a part of my identity. At the same time, I grew up in a strict food household in which there were definite good and bad foods.

And I was told that although I didn’t have to worry about my weight as a growing child, someday I would have to be more careful about food to stay thin. When I reached my 20s, I gained weight naturally as my body became more womanly. I was still at a healthy weight, but for the first time I stopped getting comments about how thin I was. I will admit that I had a hard time with this, with this loss of that part of my identity. And I began to question at times whether I was eating too much.

or too much of the wrong things.

I began to scrutinize my body and dislike parts of it intensely, comparing it to bodies that were thinner. I also got married and my in-laws had even more intense and overt judgment about weight and fatness. My fear of their judgment only added to my body image concerns. After I had my two children, I secretly went on a diet for the first time, learning to track what I ate and maintain a certain calorie limit each day. This worked.

But I noticed that food and tracking food became close to an obsession and that scared me. My sister had struggled with an eating disorder and I knew I didn’t want to go down that path. So I pulled myself out of the diet. Even so, I found myself every year or two secretly dieting again to get my weight down to an acceptable level and then pulling back out of it for fear of developing an eating disorder. I also railed against society’s obsession with thinness and beat myself up for giving into that superficial

even cruel mentality. This push and pull was confusing and still is. Now that I’ve entered midlife, my body has felt out of control at times. I weigh more than I ever have. And when I’ve tried to diet, it’s much harder to lose weight. In fact, I’ve noticed that when I do try to rein in my weight by restricting calories, my body rebels by gaining weight at first and then losing very slowly and sporadically. I’ve also noticed that I need to diet more often to keep my weight down.

and that the weight fluctuations are greater. All of this terrifies me. So I’m trying to make a commitment to stop dieting altogether, accept my higher weight and trust my body to know what it needs, even if sometimes it needs to satisfy my strong sweet tooth. But it’s not easy and I often find myself feeling confused, wondering if I’m doing things right, balancing what I crave with my body actually needs. I also fret about the future.

What happens when I hit menopause and my body changes again? I’m scared about how that will feel and how I will handle it. How do I move beyond what I now realize has been disordered eating and distorted body image? How do I move beyond my fear of fat and learn to love my body rather than poke and prod at all its bits I hate? How do I know the difference between what is a healthy embrace of my enjoyment of you?

and what may be an unhealthy reaction against past restriction or guilt about you. How do I do this intuitive eating thing right and make it stick through whatever changes are in store for my body? Sincerely, trying to age gracefully.

Julie Duffy Dillon (09:22)

All right, that is this episode’s letter. Before we break it down and go through it, I want to introduce you to this episode’s guest, Shenetta MacDonald. She is a writer, publicist, and somatic life coach who helps women reconnect to their bodies, stories, and sense of self. Her work has appeared in The Cut, In Style, Essence, Refinery 29, and Allure. Her work sits at the intersection of embodiment, visibility, and telling the truth about what it means to nourish yourself on and off the plate.

I am thrilled to welcome Shenetta to the show.

Julie Duffy Dillon (09:58)

hey Shanetta how are you?

Shanetta McDonald (10:00)

And well, how are you?

Julie Duffy Dillon (10:02)

I am great. It’s so nice to meet you and talk to you and have you gotten a chance to read through the letter.

Shanetta McDonald (10:08)

I have.

Julie Duffy Dillon (10:10)

That’s awesome. Let’s dig into it. When you were reading through this person’s letter, there were so many things this person brought up. And I don’t know about you, but I had questions. like, if only this person was right here in front of me, I would want to dig in some parts. But for you, when you were reading through it, what’s the big picture that you think this person’s struggling with?

Shanetta McDonald (10:11)

Yeah.

Yeah, the very first thing that came to mind in this letter is grief and this grieving for this pathway of living, this old body, not older in age, but this old way of navigating her body and the grief that comes with change. know, we are

Julie Duffy Dillon (10:40)

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Shanetta McDonald (11:04)

creatures of habit and especially as women, what works for us 10 years ago may not work for us today. And so what I heard, what I read and heard was a lot of grief, a lot of like, I used to be able to do this and growing up and this was this way and it’s not this way anymore. And I’m freaking out is what I heard. I’m freaking out.

Julie Duffy Dillon (11:13)

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I can appreciate like when things change and so maybe even sometimes quickly. ⁓ I was talking to one of my kids about this, like they were going through some change and they were just getting overwhelmed. I’m like, I know it can feel like it’s going to keep changing and changing and changing and changing. And it can feel like this overwhelming out of control feeling. ⁓ That’s what I was kind of I was getting that from this person of like.

Shanetta McDonald (11:43)

Yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (11:53)

It used to always be this way. And now it’s just like exploding all around me. ⁓ What did you think about like the identity that this person kind of like figured out of like people knew me because of my body size and how little I ate. And now I’m not getting noticed for that anymore. Is that part of the grief that you’re talking about?

Shanetta McDonald (12:11)

Yeah

I think so. I think it’s definitely part of the grief. I think, and you know, I don’t know if that, it seems like it was something that she didn’t invite necessarily, but so, you know, you have societal pressures of that, but then once you start to get feedback around, feedback and attention around something like that, it does make you want more of it, you know. ⁓

Julie Duffy Dillon (12:28)

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Shanetta McDonald (12:45)

It

is a human experience and I don’t know what the rest of our childhood looks like, but as it relates to food, I’m there are other influential factors, but as it relates to food, for many of us who have struggled with food and body, that totally makes sense. I think, simply what I think of it is societal conditioning and also, you know, this desire to be seen, to be seen and to be accepted. And our bodies play a big part of that.

Julie Duffy Dillon (12:49)

Right. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Shanetta McDonald (13:13)

and how we see our bodies play a big part of that.

Julie Duffy Dillon (13:15)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, everybody wants to be seen, like in some way. Maybe we don’t want like fame or, you know, things like that, but like just for someone to like understand you and to see you. So it makes sense. Yeah, that that would be hard to be like, no one’s seeing me anymore. ⁓ And, know, as someone who’s like officially in midlife, like I feel like 50 is like right in the middle there, right? ⁓

Shanetta McDonald (13:19)

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for listening.

Julie Duffy Dillon (13:44)

there was this interesting experience for me. And I talked about this a couple episodes ago, excuse me, with Deb Benfield, who she just wrote a book about aging and body liberation. And I can remember probably around 42, 43, noticing how people weren’t noticing me anymore. You know, I just like, I could see like the, probably like the privilege just kind of slipping away. You know, people were just not noticing anymore. And

Shanetta McDonald (14:02)

Yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (14:14)

Yeah, like I wonder if this person is, if they identify with a similar kind of experience, if they’re like knee deep in that. And so much of it, like what you said in the beginning, I don’t know if I would have ever put those words to it, but it just fits so nicely like that. It’s a grief and things are changing and they’re always gonna change, right? Like things are always gonna change. So, so hard. Do you have, I know you do a lot of somatic work with clients.

Shanetta McDonald (14:34)

And end up with that.

Julie Duffy Dillon (14:44)

Is there anything that you think of with your area of expertise to apply to this kind of place of grief and change? ⁓ Is there anything come to mind for you that is like, these are some helpful tools that we can use in those moments?

Shanetta McDonald (15:02)

Yeah, you know, my approach as a somatic life coach is a mix of cognitive and somatic tools. I think they go hand in hand. ⁓ And, you know, really sitting with ourselves and as it relates to this reader, you know, I would recommend she sit with herself and see like what’s coming up for me. She’s beautifully laid it out for us, but what comes up for me? And honestly, just sitting with that to get some acceptance around it.

⁓ You know writing down the stories that she’s telling herself So is it that am I telling myself that I’m not lovable and that I’m not I don’t belong Because I’m not getting the attention ⁓ You know, these are circumstances and situations, but what’s the story behind it and getting really clear on that and from there? What’s the story that I want to tell myself? and then that That that leads into like a somatic practice of like getting really grounded

connected with our bodies and feeling what would it feel like to truly feel this new intention. But I think that story and uncovering that is going to be really important to have some shift into a new story that we get to tell. And it won’t be easy. This won’t happen overnight. But it’s a meditative practice. ⁓ I’ve just started to work towards utilizing more breath work in my practice.

Julie Duffy Dillon (16:18)

Right, yeah.

Shanetta McDonald (16:29)

my body resisted for good reason because it brings up a lot of feelings. So many feelings. And so, you know, it’s something that I utilize. It’s something that I recommend for clients in addition to meditation, grounding exercises. ⁓ But it’s a practice. it’s, we have these daily practices and toolkits that we get to leverage to work through whatever comes up and whatever needs to be released.

Julie Duffy Dillon (16:34)

⁓ it does, yes. Uh-huh. ⁓

remember who told me this. I think it may have been one of my therapists over the years, but I was avoiding something because of some hard feelings. And she’s like, you know, you’re already feeling it. Even though you think you’re avoiding it, you’re already in it. We can kind of maybe distract or disengage and do some things to slow it down, but you’re already feeling it. So I think she was just trying to give me some nudges.

Shanetta McDonald (17:08)

Mm. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Let it in. Yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (17:25)

And

⁓ this letter writer in particular, the thing that, ⁓ it just reminded me a lot of the work that I did with clients back in the day. So a lot of clients that I worked with fell this kind of tug of war with ⁓ like the stories they were told as children and maybe even some inherited like genetics for eating disorders. But then these like strong values for social justice and ⁓ wanting to reject

diet culture, but feeling this kind of like, ⁓ just getting stretched so far. And what so many of my clients would tell me is how ashamed they were of like, wanting to diet sometimes wanting to be smaller. And that’s what I was getting from this letter to that this person was like, I know I shouldn’t do this, but like, sometimes I find myself going back in and ⁓ I, the reason why I bring this up is because there’s something about how they notice

when they start a diet and they notice like, wait, this is getting to be something I don’t want to do. And then they let it go. And I’m like, that’s a lot. That’s hard to do. So I hope they’re giving themselves some like pats on the back or something to like, hey, you’re doing hard work. That’s really hard.

Shanetta McDonald (18:35)

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I have highlighted that she said after I had my two children, I secretly went on a diet for the first time. So she does pre-chain, you know, oftentimes, not all the time, but often. And gosh, and also just being a mother who’s going through this is a whole other topic, but a whole other episode. But I think none of us are immune from this.

Julie Duffy Dillon (18:52)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. Whole other episode, yes.

Shanetta McDonald (19:13)

You know, this is a society that we live in and I have 13 years of recovery from bulimia and over compulsive overeating. And just maybe three weeks ago I downloaded it’s a chronometer. It’s some sort of app that allows you to track your food and calories and stuff like that. I was like, you know what? I want to be healthier this year. I’m going to download this app. And I did it for two days and I was like, I’m never doing this. This is not work for me. This is not, it’s not sustainable.

Julie Duffy Dillon (19:13)

Mm-hmm.

Shanetta McDonald (19:43)

I don’t want to gear into diet mode. And so I still, after all these years of recovery, walk this fine line of what does feel sustainable, what does feel good. just feels, food does feel good for me. I went to a seven day retreat a couple of weeks ago where everything was organic and I did yoga and breath work and meditation every day. And knowing that when I come home, I won’t be doing yoga, breath work, meditation and eating.

Julie Duffy Dillon (19:43)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah,

Shanetta McDonald (20:11)

every single day, right? And so what’s

Julie Duffy Dillon (20:11)

yeah, yeah.

Shanetta McDonald (20:14)

medium? You know, what works for me? feels good for me? And rigidity around my food and body just doesn’t feel good for me anymore. And I, this is just my belief. I believe that we all deserve to feel good in our bodies. Now, feeling good in our bodies looks different for every single person. And just in reading this letter, it doesn’t sound like it feels good to obsess about

Julie Duffy Dillon (20:16)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Shanetta McDonald (20:39)

her body, you know, in this type of war. And so again, she gets to identify the story she’s writing or she’s created and find a new story that does feel better for

Julie Duffy Dillon (20:40)

Mm-hmm.

Mm hmm. Shanetta thank you so much for sharing about like that kind of dip into like the food tracking and because I think that’s what recovery looks like. It’s not this like all or nothing experience. I’ve never worked with anybody who had that. So ⁓ I think that’s really important because there is a lot of shame with like these little slips or these movements that’s like not in the direction maybe that somebody wants to go. And they’re like

Shanetta McDonald (21:07)

Yep.

Julie Duffy Dillon (21:19)

They’re the norm. Like this is what it looks like. ⁓ Our world is not recovered. So like, it’s gonna be hard, especially in January. You know, this is the time. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Shanetta McDonald (21:26)

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, beginning of the year, it’s been an

intention of mine and my recovery started via 12 step rooms and so I still have a sponsor. I still sponsor if I’m able to. I still get to meetings when I can. And so I have ways of being accountable and I haven’t told my sponsor this so I do have to tell my sponsor. So you know, because we’re a super super super super

Julie Duffy Dillon (21:39)

yeah.

Mm-hmm. Maybe before February when

this comes out.

Shanetta McDonald (21:54)

Exactly.

still check in 13 years later, I still check in with her about certain things. You know, I say, hey, I’m going to have this. ⁓ Not for her, but it’s for me. You know, it’s for me to like stay clean and honest and transparent because it’s so easy to download an app. It’s so easy to slip back into old habits that don’t work for me. Yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (21:59)

Yes, yes.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

or do them in secret like the

letter writer said, yeah. That’s one of the parts of the 12 step model that I think is like so helpful, whether listener you identify with like some of the 12 step model principles. Like that’s the part that I wish everyone could figure out a way to utilize is like, let somebody know. Like, just some person know that, hey, I have this thing that I’m trying to do, can you help me? And to be that.

Shanetta McDonald (22:37)

Yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (22:45)

like safer place to kind of to be able to explore all that. ⁓ I was just talking about that with Erin Phillips, she’s a dietitian and diabetes educator. And she was talking about when people get diagnosed with diabetes, most of the time, the only people who know they have diabetes is their provider. And they don’t want to tell anybody because there’s so much shame and stigma with that too. And she’s like, just tell somebody just someone so you can like not let that fester. ⁓

Shanetta McDonald (23:02)

Hmm.

Julie Duffy Dillon (23:15)

Yeah, and this letter writer, just like, you’re doing so much. And I hope that you continue to like, yeah, decide that story that you you were mentioning, Shanetta, like the what do want your story to be? Like, what do you want to be next? And like, let yourself. ⁓ Yeah, just let yourself visualize that so then you can decide where you want to go. I think that’s a big part of like, yeah, what do you want? What do you want in life? Yeah.

Shanetta McDonald (23:38)

Yeah.

And

also being really patient and really gentle with yourself. know, every time I, just about every time I talk to my sponsor and I’m going through a lot of big life shifts, she’s like, just be gentle, gentle. Because also when I read this, I read like the, I’ll name this, the anxiety that comes with like, and I want to do this and it used to be this, you know? So it’s like, this is a hard time. This is a huge transition. Just be really gentle with yourself.

Julie Duffy Dillon (23:45)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mmm. ⁓

Yes.

Shanetta McDonald (24:10)

because you’re not gonna do any of it perfectly. So what is thinking of the story you’re telling yourself in a gentle way? What is thinking of the story in a gentle way? And so just really, really gentle because this is such a huge part of her life, of everyone’s life. ⁓ It’s a big thing to identify with something as a growing child to a woman in midlife. That’s your whole life. Your whole life.

Julie Duffy Dillon (24:18)

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shanetta McDonald (24:39)

And so it’s a relationship, you know, we are in relation with our bodies. And so if you think of it as a relationship like this relationship that I’ve had for most of my life is changing. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Julie Duffy Dillon (24:52)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Lots of changes ahead. And so this work will definitely help with the next seasons of Life 2. We’re running out of time, but I wanted to ask you because because we connected for this podcast, I got to see all the work you’re doing. And so I want the listeners to find out, too, more about you. So if someone wants to find out more about you, maybe look into working with you as a Somatic Life Coach, where can people find you?

Shanetta McDonald (25:22)

Yeah, shenetamcdonald.com is the best place. That’s my website. I’m sure you’ll put it in the show notes so you can see it. I’m on Instagram, I am shenetamcdonald. And yeah, if you go to my website, you’ll get access to the social platforms, the sub stack, which I send out updates and interesting newsletters twice a month. So yeah, that’s where I’ll be.

Julie Duffy Dillon (25:25)

Mm-hmm.

I will, of course.

Mm-hmm.

Yay. Well, we can hang out on Substack because I’m there too. I love it. Thank you so much for joining me and help me with this letter. I really appreciate it.

Shanetta McDonald (25:49)

Thank you so much.

Julie Duffy Dillon (25:56)

So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Shaneta McDonald. And I hope that letter writer, you found some new tools to help you move forward. I wanna remind you, I have a letter back from food that I’m gonna read in just a moment. But before we get to that, a quick reminder, remember to send us your emails, your voice notes about how the Find Your Food voice.

show has impacted your life over the last 10 years, you can send it to us at info at juliedillonrd.com. Also stay connected on Substack. You can get to it at findyourfoodvoice.substack.com

Lastly, my team and I will be back in your ears in two weeks. And we have a special topic. We appreciate, and I’m sure you do too, this is a really challenging time to be rejecting diets, to be fat positive. And we really wanted to talk about the experience in 2026 and what we’re noticing as some experiences that we’ve been having that help us to remain

⁓ What is the word? That kind of are giving us hope or glimmers of fat positivity in unexpected places.

So we look forward to bringing that conversation to you in two weeks. All right, I have foods letter and until next time, take care.

Dear Trying to Age gracefully, we appreciate how overwhelming the last few years have been for you. We see our relationship changing and see you doing what you know is best for you. Work toward a relationship with food that is filled with permission, safety and satisfaction. Notice when you feel overwhelmed with life changes and know you are not to blame. Give yourself the softness you deserve with tough times.

Notice when you are pulled to diet in secret and be gentle with yourself in the struggle. While it may feel like you’re doing it wrong, you are moving forward. You are resisting diet culture. Take a deep breath and name what story you want to tell yourself. Then let yourself paint the picture as your past and future self. Let that story grow.

and be gentle as you become her. Love, food.

The Find Your Food Voice podcast is written, produced, and edited by me, Julie Duffy Dillon. I also have amazing help from my team, Rachel Poppick and Coleen Bremner, helped me behind the scenes, and I am so grateful for the two of you. We appreciate any support of the podcast that you can give. Subscribing, sharing episodes helps the show grow. You can also support our work by becoming a paid subscriber over on Substack.

That is a way that helps me to pay my bills, to be a writer, and that’s my full-time job, and also to help me pay my team a living wage. You can find us at findyourfoodvoice.substack.com. I look forward to being in your ears in two weeks with another episode of Find Your Food Voice. Until then, take care.